Track 8: Vitamin Guy

• SPEAKER_01: Microwave oven.
  
• SPEAKER_01: A 46-inch Sony big screen television set.
  
• SPEAKER_01: And finally, a $2,000 cashier's check made out to you.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, Mike, knowing that one of those five awards is definitely yours.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'd like to say congratulations again.
  
• SPEAKER_01: How does all that sound for a lot of great news today?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, that sounds fantastic, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right, fantastic.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, like any other promotion, there are only two things we would like to see you do for us while you're in the process of claiming your award.
  
• SPEAKER_01: claiming your award. One is, if you've received the award, take a picture of yourself with it, send that back to us so we can use it for promotional purposes.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, in approximately 60 days, the company will be calling you back with shipping instructions on one of those five fabulous awards.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, second, like any other promotion, we ask that you become a first-time customer of ours by trying one of our health and energy products.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What we're using is a tested and proven vitamin and mineral program called Universal.
  
• SPEAKER_01: called Universe of Life. Now, Mike, do you currently take vitamins? Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, fantastic. Mike, these are the finest vitamins on the American market today.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Of course, that is my opinion. I do take them as well as my wife and children. Okay, it's five tables
  
• SPEAKER_01: today. They supply most of your data requirements from A to zinc. Now, these are non-allergenic,
  
• SPEAKER_01: and they are derived from all natural products. It also has what's called a special
  
• SPEAKER_01: sustained time release formula. Now, that ensures the maximum benefit throughout the day.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, we have these boxed up in a 12-month supply. During the promotion, Mike, you're receiving that vitamin program for exactly $6998.
  
• SPEAKER_01: In the same package is going to be your major award certificate that officially guarantees one of the five major awards.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, Mike, have you ever won a major award?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, fantastic.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I won the lottery here.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Really?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Fabulous. Well, Mike, your good fortune is continuing.
  
• SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you what, if you get that Cadillac, Couturentville, you better send me a powder of Champagne.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, and it won't be a problem getting a picture of you or a loved one with the award, correct?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Uh, there is something standing in my way.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay. What would be the best time of April's to deliver?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Um, could you talk to the parochial Nimrod?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's that?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Huh?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about, Mike?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, that's the thing that's standing in my way.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's standing in your way?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Prokial Nimrod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's that?
  
• SPEAKER_02: I'm afraid I don't know how to handle it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You don't know how to handle what?
  
• SPEAKER_02: The Prokial Nimrod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, I, what are you talking about?
  
• SPEAKER_02: What, how to handle this from here on?
  
• SPEAKER_01: You don't know how to handle what?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, the Nimbo stratus brick.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, Mike, what I need is the expiration date on the visa.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Go-click it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Pardon me, Mike?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Um, Zach it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What is the expiration date on your visa?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Um, 10, 92.
  
• SPEAKER_01: 10 of 92?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, now what I need, there's some, what's going on over there?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I keep hearing, seems like you're fading out or something.
  
• SPEAKER_01: out or something?
  
• SPEAKER_02: It's that Nimrod.
  
• None: Your Nimrod?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, what I need is the long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Read that to me slowly.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I need a long number that begins with the four, Mike?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, what I need is a long number that begins with the four, Mike?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, what I need is a long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What is going on over there?
  
• SPEAKER_02: It's the parochial ramrod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: The parochial ramrod?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What are you doing?
  
• SPEAKER_02: What I'm trying to tell you, sir, that that's going to pose a problem.
  
• SPEAKER_01: That's the only problem is your parochial rim rod?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Are you taking medication, Mike?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Am I still eligible to be a recipient of these fine awards?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, what I need is the long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What I need is the long number that begins with the four, by me.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, where is your parochial rimrod? Where is that?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Um.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I think I might have told you the wrong thing.
  
• SPEAKER_02: It's, um, I think it's a rhinoceros dick rod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: A rhinoceros dick rod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, did you take your medication today?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, what I need, go grab your visa.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What I need is the long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike?
  
• None: Hello?
  
• None: Hello Mike?
  
• None: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Grab your visa.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you understand what's going on?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Go grab your visa.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Go grab your visa.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Read me the long number that begins with the four.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Uh, 287, 483.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Three, seven.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Look, Mike.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike?
  
• SPEAKER_01: is Frank Mank of the promotional director.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you are not interested in taking part in this promotion, simply tell us you're not
  
• SPEAKER_01: interested.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is a long-distance call that we are paying for.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm very interested, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Or you're not interested.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you are interested, what we are going to need to finish up the paperwork
  
• SPEAKER_01: would be the account number beginning with the four on the visa.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you have that information handy?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, I do, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, but what we're going to need is the long number that the issue is.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right, can you have that there?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, Mike, you have some kind of noise interference.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Again, I can't tell you what it is.
  
• SPEAKER_02: No, I don't.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You don't know what?
  
• SPEAKER_02: I don't have it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You don't have what?
  
• SPEAKER_02: I don't have any interference.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now you got the number because of the four.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right. Read that and be slower.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_00: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Betcha.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right, now read the number.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Because of the four.
  
• SPEAKER_02: You bet.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Not a problem.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Read the number, Mike.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I can accommodate you there, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, Mike, again, if you're not interested, simply say you're not interested.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm very interested, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I'd have to be crazy to turn down these wonderful prizes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, again, Mike, again, we do not appreciate the ridicule.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you're not interested, just forget the sarcasm.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All you got to do is simply say I'm not interested.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you are interested, then this is what we're going to need.
  
• SPEAKER_01: what we're going to need?
  
• SPEAKER_02: What?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Do I have to provide a gridicular butt rod?
  
• SPEAKER_01: If the bill was going on your number, then again, I think it could be a little more serious with me.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, I need a gridicular giraffe rod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, do you have any idea what's going on here?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you have any idea of what we're explaining to you?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Um, you mentioned something about a Gary Coleman Nimrod.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, Mike, Mike, are you under any kind of medication?
  
• SPEAKER_01: any kind of medication?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Huh?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Have you taken any medication today?
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you're under some form of medication, I can't get back in touch with you yet.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Can?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I can.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I can.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to, you know, I don't want you to go into a seizure or anything,
  
• SPEAKER_01: if you need to take any medication right now.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Um.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do is I'll give you a call back sometime when you're a little more sedated.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm perfectly fine.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, again, then again, we go over just round and around.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All I'm going to need, if you want, if you want, if you want, if you want,
  
• SPEAKER_01: are interested if the number that begins with the form.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now reading the number, this is the last time I'm going to ask you, Mike.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you're not interested, come you're not interested, if you're not interested,
  
• SPEAKER_01: if you're interested right now, leave me the number to get you with the form.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Um, it's in, it's in my saxophone. I'm going to have to dig it out.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Mike, again, I mean, you can joke all your life, all right?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What?
  
• SPEAKER_01: You can joke all you want to joke.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Again, that's completely up to you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: it's not my award. If you don't want it, they'll simply give you to someone else in your area.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, my, it's, the car's in my saxophone.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, Mike, do you have any clue how ridiculous you sound?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't think that's very nice.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, again, Mike, I mean, you're two seconds ago, you can hand the car and now you don't have the car.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I dropped it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, alright, Mike.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, listen, I'm going to be honest with you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you're going to have any clue to what you're talking about or any idea what we're doing here today,
  
• SPEAKER_01: here today. I know you would have participated.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm trying to be a participant.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, no, no, no, Mike, you're not trying to.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right, if you're all interested, then simply breathing the number beginning with the form.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is the way we built the account for the amount of the charge.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I dropped it in my xylophone.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, all right. Well, Mike, what I suggest you do is see yourself some medical health.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_02: What's the problem?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, again, I don't have free to get it, but you're not interested, that simply policy...
  
• SPEAKER_02: I don't think that's very friendly.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, Mike, you're hysterical, you know, I love to sit here and waste my valuable time on you, but unfortunately I have a board meeting to go to.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I do want you know that you are turning the war down.
  
• SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, Mike, again, unless you're willing to cooperate with me and give you the information I need in order to fill out the paperwork, I am going to have to let you go.
  
• SPEAKER_02: How about if I perform a taekwondo on you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, again, Mike, if those would you'd like to do, feel free, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you can perform your taekwondo over the phone,
  
• SPEAKER_01: and I'll never want to see there.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Alright?
  
• SPEAKER_01: You guys, shut the fuck off, chico, man.