Longmont Potion Castle 15 (2018)

Longmont Potion Castle 15

Track 9: UPS Throwdown

This track needs reviewing! --> Lend a hand <--


  • SPEAKER_04: Hello?
  • SPEAKER_02: Hi, my name's Guy with United Parcel Service.
  • SPEAKER_02: How are you doing today?
  • SPEAKER_03: I'm doing all right.
  • SPEAKER_02: All right, we've been out there a couple times.
  • SPEAKER_02: Our driver's reporting that you're not around for a COD delivery.
  • SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to know a better time to come back today or tomorrow.
  • SPEAKER_04: What?
  • SPEAKER_02: Our driver, sir, has got a COD delivery for you.
  • SPEAKER_02: You need to know a better time for you to be present, sign for your delivery.
  • SPEAKER_02: Pay for it?
  • SPEAKER_04: What kind of parcel is this?
  • SPEAKER_02: COD, $416.79.
  • SPEAKER_02: It is Canadian.
  • SPEAKER_02: Flea genie.
  • SPEAKER_02: It's some sort of animal product.
  • SPEAKER_02: Are you there between 1 p.m. and 5 p.m. tomorrow?
  • SPEAKER_04: At my house?
  • SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
  • SPEAKER_04: But an animal product, I don't feel like I ordered an animal product.
  • SPEAKER_02: Okay, but he's bringing the bell and no one answered the door, and we can't just leave it
  • SPEAKER_02: there, you understand.
  • SPEAKER_04: Okay.
  • SPEAKER_04: Well, yeah, I'll be there tomorrow.
  • SPEAKER_02: And if you wanted to, just go ahead and let us take care of the payment now.
  • SPEAKER_02: And then he could leave it in a safe place.
  • SPEAKER_04: Like, what?
  • SPEAKER_02: A visa or a master charge.
  • SPEAKER_04: I never bought a parcel.
  • SPEAKER_02: It's from the flea genie.com.
  • SPEAKER_02: So you can take care of your pets or whatever you got animals or some kind.
  • SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I don't know.
  • SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
  • SPEAKER_05: Pardon?
  • SPEAKER_04: What?
  • SPEAKER_04: I don't know something.
  • SPEAKER_02: So we're just waiting for a credit card number.
  • SPEAKER_04: A credit card number for what?
  • SPEAKER_05: You don't need no credit card.
  • SPEAKER_02: For flea genie.com?
  • SPEAKER_04: I've never been on flea genie.com.
  • SPEAKER_04: How do you spell flea-g-g-g-g-g-N-I-E-D-N-I-E-D-N-E-D-O- It says here,
  • SPEAKER_02: F-L-E-A-G-N-N-I-E dot com.
  • SPEAKER_02: It's none of my affairs or where you shop or what you do.
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm just here at United Parcel Service.
  • SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm not going to pay for anything that I didn't purchase.
  • SPEAKER_02: Well, you made the purchase.
  • SPEAKER_02: That's not even an issue.
  • SPEAKER_02: We just need to receive payment at this time, okay?
  • SPEAKER_04: But I didn't make it, though.
  • SPEAKER_02: Long number that begins with a four, sir.
  • SPEAKER_02: Followed by the expiration date.
  • SPEAKER_02: Hello?
  • SPEAKER_02: Yes, sir, this is Peter.
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm a manager up here at UPS.
  • SPEAKER_02: What appears to be the trouble up here today, sir?
  • SPEAKER_02: I don't have any.
  • SPEAKER_02: You're not paying for, and you're not paying for your item?
  • SPEAKER_02: Is what I've been told.
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm a manager up here, sir.
  • SPEAKER_04: What?
  • SPEAKER_04: Why are you guys, why do you guys keep calling me?
  • SPEAKER_02: What is the issue, sir?
  • SPEAKER_02: Pay for your item, and let's resolve this issue here today.
  • SPEAKER_02: Do you understand?
  • SPEAKER_05: I don't understand.
  • SPEAKER_02: $11.
  • SPEAKER_02: $16.79.
  • SPEAKER_02: $1.79.
  • SPEAKER_02: $1.79.
  • SPEAKER_02: All right?
  • SPEAKER_02: You can pay with credit card or check?
  • SPEAKER_02: Routing number?
  • SPEAKER_04: Um, I can't pay that day.
  • SPEAKER_04: Never heard of flea genie.com.
  • SPEAKER_04: Flea genie.com.
  • SPEAKER_04: I've never heard of that.
  • SPEAKER_01: I don't believe you.
  • SPEAKER_01: What?
  • SPEAKER_04: Why are you guys harassing?
  • SPEAKER_01: Matter of fact.
  • SPEAKER_04: Why are you harassing you?
  • SPEAKER_00: I don't believe you, matter of fact.
  • SPEAKER_00: I show a purchase history from that very same website to you.
  • SPEAKER_00: I show a purchase history a mile long.
  • SPEAKER_02: And what is that?
  • SPEAKER_04: What is that?
  • SPEAKER_02: So don't say that you've never heard of it and never seen it or never ordered from it,
  • SPEAKER_02: because I see a purchase history a mile long.
  • SPEAKER_00: Mile long.
  • SPEAKER_02: What did I buy?
  • SPEAKER_00: Mile long.
  • SPEAKER_00: Mile long.
  • SPEAKER_00: A mile long.
  • SPEAKER_02: So just if you want to read a credit card number or a routing number, we'll get it taken care of.
  • SPEAKER_02: But I don't want to hear this.
  • SPEAKER_02: Oh, I've never heard of it.
  • SPEAKER_02: I've never seen that.
  • SPEAKER_02: I don't know what you mean.
  • SPEAKER_02: Skip that.
  • SPEAKER_02: All right, buddy.
  • SPEAKER_04: Well, skip it.
  • SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
  • SPEAKER_04: You guys might have to call the police.
  • SPEAKER_01: Stop it.
  • SPEAKER_01: Stop it.
  • SPEAKER_01: Skip it.
  • SPEAKER_01: Just skip that nonsense, son.
  • SPEAKER_02: Just skip that nonsense, son.
  • SPEAKER_02: You got it?
  • SPEAKER_02: Look, you want to act big time and make online purchases.
  • SPEAKER_02: We'll step up to the plate and pay for your item.
  • SPEAKER_05: Who the fucking you?
  • SPEAKER_01: This is UPS, buddy.
  • SPEAKER_01: Who the fuck are you, man?
  • SPEAKER_01: United Parsal Service, big time.
  • SPEAKER_01: I've been here for four months.
  • SPEAKER_04: UPS doesn't talk to me.
  • SPEAKER_04: If I were to call UPS, they wouldn't talk to me.
  • SPEAKER_04: They wouldn't talk.
  • SPEAKER_04: to be like this, though.
  • SPEAKER_01: UPS.
  • SPEAKER_01: I'm a manager.
  • SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is the big time,
  • SPEAKER_01: yeah.
  • SPEAKER_01: UPS.
  • SPEAKER_05: I'm a manager.
  • SPEAKER_03: Oh, this is the big time,
  • SPEAKER_03: man, man.
  • SPEAKER_03: UPS.
  • SPEAKER_03: I'm a manager.
  • SPEAKER_03: Oh, this is the big time there, guy.
  • SPEAKER_02: Oh.
  • SPEAKER_02: Hello.
  • SPEAKER_02: Hi, yeah.
  • SPEAKER_02: Hello.
  • SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how you doing, O'Barr?
  • SPEAKER_02: Who's this?
  • SPEAKER_02: My name's Guy, and I'm with U.
  • SPEAKER_02: UPS up here, the manager here.
  • SPEAKER_02: UPS? Yes, sir.
  • SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what can I do for you?
  • SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we've got a parcel here, two, three of them, matter of fact,
  • SPEAKER_02: and the driver says no one's been there to sign.
  • SPEAKER_02: It's from Cisco food, sir.
  • SPEAKER_02: Cisco, hold on, sir.
  • SPEAKER_02: So we need to get a check or a credit card payment,
  • SPEAKER_02: some method of payment here.
  • SPEAKER_03: Whose purse you're looking for?
  • SPEAKER_03: What is my name?
  • SPEAKER_02: What is your name?
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm Guy here with United Parcel, Sir.
  • SPEAKER_01: service? Yeah, what can I do for you? What's my name? You know what my address is?
  • SPEAKER_02: Oh, sure I do. Sure I do. You got a pizza place or something
  • SPEAKER_02: or some kind of restaurant or something. Uh, this isn't just a bunch of hocus, pocus. This is
  • SPEAKER_02: UPS call when the guy rings the bell. It's best of the chance of the door. Is that clear?
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, who's this? United Parson Service, right here in Somerville.
  • SPEAKER_05: Uh, U.S. Postal Service in Summerfield, you said?
  • SPEAKER_02: It's parcel service, not postal service.
  • SPEAKER_02: It's the same problem we have when we send our driver out there.
  • SPEAKER_02: Oh, the owner's not here.
  • SPEAKER_02: You'll have to come back later.
  • SPEAKER_02: Uh-uh.
  • SPEAKER_02: We've done that three times already.
  • SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  • SPEAKER_01: Who the fuck are you talking about?
  • SPEAKER_01: Who's the guy that you're looking for?
  • SPEAKER_02: We got a parcel here from Cisco Foods.
  • SPEAKER_02: Is that understood?
  • SPEAKER_02: I say, you got a parcel from Cisco?
  • SPEAKER_02: Uh, yeah, for the fourth time.
  • SPEAKER_02: Yes, we do.
  • SPEAKER_00: What's wrong with this guy?
  • SPEAKER_00: Well, are you there?
  • SPEAKER_00: Big English.
  • SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm not there now, so, can you deliver it this parcel?
  • SPEAKER_02: Oh, so now you want it, huh?
  • SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, we could be there in 90 minutes after I'm done eating dinner.
  • SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry?
  • SPEAKER_02: Well, you should be sorry.
  • SPEAKER_02: We've been out there four times.
  • SPEAKER_02: You ignored the slip.
  • SPEAKER_02: You ignored your employees.
  • SPEAKER_02: It's time to get you there, that guy.
  • SPEAKER_01: I don't understand you get someone else.
  • SPEAKER_01: Okay, cool.
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm the executive.
  • SPEAKER_02: I'm in the executive.
  • SPEAKER_02: of Tower here, United Parsal Service.
  • SPEAKER_02: Hello?
  • SPEAKER_02: Hi, this is Guy, person, with United Parsal Service.
  • SPEAKER_02: How are we tonight, ma'am?
  • SPEAKER_02: Listen, is this a joke?
  • SPEAKER_02: A joke, sincerely not a joke, ma'am.
  • SPEAKER_02: We're trying to get a delivery made, and no one's there.
  • SPEAKER_05: Well, it's not going to be tonight, sir.
  • SPEAKER_02: Oh, is that right?
  • SPEAKER_05: It's going to be tomorrow.
  • SPEAKER_02: Tonight works better for me.
  • SPEAKER_02: So if you could be...
  • SPEAKER_05: Well, I got news for you.
  • SPEAKER_05: I don't know who the first.
  • SPEAKER_05: fuck you are, but it's not working.
  • SPEAKER_02: United Parcel Service, ma'am.
  • SPEAKER_02: I've worked here for 12 years.