Track 15: UPS Freakout 3

• SPEAKER_00: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Yes. This is Ray Ray at United Parsal Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm on a long-distance phone call. You have a package for me now? Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, once you bring it, I'll come down and pick it up because the elevator broke.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, matter of fact, we were there last night, but you were way too loud last night. You didn't even hear the doorbell.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I was not loud at all. I wouldn't even home. Much too loud.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It wasn't me because I think I wasn't working. I wasn't working.
  
• SPEAKER_01: That's nice. That wasn't me.
  
• SPEAKER_00: This is UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You are from UPS, really?
  
• SPEAKER_03: I was on a long-distance phone call when you called,
  
• SPEAKER_03: and I have to call that person back.
  
• SPEAKER_00: That's none of my affairs, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm going to call UPS to find out. What the heck is happening?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I left detailed instructions on your door, and you just disregarded it, huh?
  
• SPEAKER_03: That's not true. That's not true at all.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_00: and you guys are blasting noise out the door.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yo, hello!
  
• SPEAKER_03: This guy keeps on calling me saying he's from UPS,
  
• SPEAKER_03: and he's been at my door several times,
  
• SPEAKER_03: and he didn't leave a flyer or anything,
  
• SPEAKER_03: and then he was very rude to me and abrupt to me.
  
• SPEAKER_03: He's a phony.
  
• SPEAKER_03: He's a phony.
  
• SPEAKER_03: He's a phony.
  
• SPEAKER_03: He's very, very, very, right.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You might.
  
• SPEAKER_03: He might need to let the police know him.
  
• SPEAKER_03: He might be just out of trying to rob me.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Bri Bri-Bry, United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_00: How you doing?
  
• SPEAKER_00: What's up?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, we're trying to get this parcel brought to you,
  
• SPEAKER_00: and we tried yesterday too, but there was so much noise and sound coming out
  
• SPEAKER_00: that we couldn't even get through.
  
• SPEAKER_02: It's today, Tuesday, or what day is today?
  
• SPEAKER_00: It's a bad day to be monkeying around with me.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay. So who are you?
  
• SPEAKER_02: And what are you calling about?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Backing up on Bri with United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah?
  
• SPEAKER_00: And I need to know that you're going to quiet down a little bit so I can do my job tonight.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, who's the parcel addressed to?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm going to make one more attempt, and if I don't like what I hear and or see, I'm going to just leave the slip.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Who is the parcel addressed to?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I've already been out there twice, and you were way too loud to even hear me.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hey, do you want to deliver this parcel, or don't you?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm going to try to.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Alright, one more time.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I think you're full of shit, and I think you should go to hell, and I think you shouldn't call here anymore.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Fuck off, asshole.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Ray Ray, United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_00: And we got a parcel here for you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: But listen, we were there last night trying to deliver this stuff, and you guys were making so much noise.
  
• SPEAKER_00: No one even answered the doorbell.
  
• SPEAKER_00: So...
  
• SPEAKER_03: I was in my getting, I was in bed.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, I heard all kinds of them.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, way too loud.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need you to quiet down.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, I'm not making any lies.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Where?
  
• SPEAKER_03: There's a television.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'll just turn it off the television.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Go back and unplug it.
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, it's off. You asked me to turn it off.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's off. Do you understand what that means?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, keep it off, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, what do you think I'm some package?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Do you want this package, or don't you?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, no, but I mean, you're not getting very nice.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I didn't do anything wrong.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Anyway, I'll shut up and wait for your delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Buddy, just shut up.
  
• SPEAKER_00: and...
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, no, don't say that.
  
• SPEAKER_03: That's not.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Who are you with?
  
• SPEAKER_00: UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Who?
  
• SPEAKER_00: UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Why don't you listen up?
  
• SPEAKER_00: This is the same problem we had last night.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What do you mean the same problem?
  
• SPEAKER_03: You didn't even see me last night?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you were making way, way, way too much noise.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm driving a big, big truck.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You can't miss it.
  
• SPEAKER_00: And I got a three, four heavy boxes here.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need your help with.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't bet I can't do.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't get out of bed.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, get up.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I mean...
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I can't get out of bed.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm in bed.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I have a restriction on my leg.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Can't move.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're going to have a lot more restrictions.
  
• SPEAKER_00: If I don't get this stuff delivered to nights.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Really?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Are you kidding?
  
• SPEAKER_03: You know what I want you to do?
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't think I want the packages.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I want to talk to your supervisor.
  
• SPEAKER_03: How long does you fired?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Fire?
  
• SPEAKER_03: You know what I just said?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Did you hear what I just said?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Fired.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't want to hear talk like that from anybody.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You're a ridiculous person.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need a check drawn, and I need help carrying these frickin' things to your door.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Period.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, what do you expect me to do that?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm commanding you to cut me a check here.
  
• None: How much?
  
• SPEAKER_00: $1,836.
  
• None: Where is this from?
  
• SPEAKER_00: It's from Tasmania.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_00: So pipe down, get up, get dressed, come to the door.
  
• SPEAKER_00: No, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I want to meet you.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I want to see you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I was already there twice.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Sir, it's not my fault.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Listen, why don't you just turn around?
  
• SPEAKER_03: because I'm not going to deal with you.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm going to deal with your supervisors.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You're way lower
  
• SPEAKER_03: than the class that they should have
  
• SPEAKER_03: delivering packages in something.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You shouldn't be working.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You shouldn't be there if they're represented.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm behind the steering wheel right now.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, good for you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I want to check.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I want you out of bed.
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not giving you a damn...
  
• SPEAKER_03: Give me your damn phone number and you're addressed.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I want you to quiet down.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, listen.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm going to hang up on you in about a minister.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't have a check.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I can't get out of bed,
  
• SPEAKER_03: and I certainly am going to come to you
  
• SPEAKER_03: and pick up some kind of packages.
  
• SPEAKER_03: There's what I just said.
  
• SPEAKER_00: This stuff's from Tasmania, fella.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Fellow, a month is Mr. Schultz.
  
• SPEAKER_00: What are you, Tasmanian?
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, not answer that question.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Why?
  
• SPEAKER_03: It's not your damn business.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Why? You're too damn weird to talk to.
  
• SPEAKER_03: any further. Now I'm going to hang up in about a second.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, I'm going to do that right now.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Just turn your TV off, be quiet.
  
• SPEAKER_03: And the TV's off.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm going to hang up. This is one of the most extraordinary telephone calls
  
• SPEAKER_03: I've ever had in my wife.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You're the most despicable people.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I have ever talked to.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Now, you got that?
  
• SPEAKER_03: You guys, turn it on and take your damn truck where you came from.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Do not deliver this damn package to me.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Because you're too.
  
• SPEAKER_03: weird to do it, and I don't want to have it.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So hang up, and you can say goodbye.
  
• SPEAKER_03: And you call me, fellow, that's pretty weird.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm hanging up now, so I'm hanging up now.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So I'm going to hear you like two seconds.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So let's just cut this phone call up right now.
  
• SPEAKER_03: But, boy, you're going to be in some real trouble with your
  
• SPEAKER_03: superiors and supervisory.
  
• SPEAKER_03: In real trouble.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You got it?
  
• SPEAKER_00: We're going to ship you out to Tasmania, first thing in the morning.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Sylvester, UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah, hello.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Geez.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Geez, well, tell me what you want.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, pipe down for a second.
  
• SPEAKER_00: We were there last night.
  
• SPEAKER_00: There was way too much commotion coming out.
  
• SPEAKER_00: No one even heard the bell.
  
• SPEAKER_00: So we're going to just be shipping your parcel back, all right?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I just want to let you know.
  
• SPEAKER_04: We were home all last night.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know you were there because I was trying to deliver your box.
  
• SPEAKER_04: What time did you try to deliver your box?
  
• SPEAKER_00: All kinds of commotion coming out.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Well, I tell you,
  
• SPEAKER_04: what, why don't you just deliver it?
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'll be here.
  
• SPEAKER_00: No, it's a little late.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I rang and rang and rang and rang the bell, and no one even bothered to answer it.
  
• SPEAKER_00: So this thing is going back to the sender.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, but we were here in the kitchen.
  
• SPEAKER_04: So if you deliver, who are you delivering this to?
  
• SPEAKER_04: Let's get that one straight first.
  
• SPEAKER_00: And it says pedantic Luddite on there.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I don't know who that is.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Just tell me the name of the person you were trying to deliver it to.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm Sylvester.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I know, no, no.
  
• SPEAKER_04: You're still not answering the.
  
• SPEAKER_04: question. Who was the delivery to be made to?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I have never heard so much noise and commotion like I heard of...
  
• SPEAKER_04: Well, that doesn't make a damn bit of...
  
• SPEAKER_04: That's not answering my question.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Who was the delivery made too?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I have never heard as much commotion as I heard last night.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Then, you know what?
  
• SPEAKER_04: Go ahead. Do what you've got to do. It's ridiculous.
  
• SPEAKER_00: There was a huge uproar in there last night.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Oh, for God's sake.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Would you just tell me who you're delivering this to?
  
• SPEAKER_04: We don't have anything to talk about.
  
• SPEAKER_00: It was unlike anything I've heard before.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Oh, you know how it's not.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hello? Hi, this is Malcolm at United Parcel Service. We have four parcels for delivery,
  
• SPEAKER_00: but we came by last night and it was much, much too loud.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Who are you calling? Who are you calling? I'm calling you, and we want to make sure you're going to be
  
• SPEAKER_00: quiet before we come back there. I don't know what you're talking about, sir. I just want you
  
• SPEAKER_00: know we're sending this package back to the sender. Okay, excuse me.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You're caught in the wrong number.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need you to quiet down, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm talking. We came out there last night and you were way too loud.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You didn't, not talking about in my house, and I don't have no noise in my house tonight.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Loudest thing I ever heard.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is Spencer at UPS. I just want to tell you, we're sending this package back to the summer.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Excuse me. Wait, and hold up. Excuse me.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You were way too loud.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, you're not calling the pension.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't know what the first.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You're trying to...
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay, if you're calm down.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm not trying to holler at you. Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You better quiet down.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Oh, fuck you, stupid motherfucker.