Track 4: UPS Assault

• SPEAKER_08: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hi, Ned Strange with United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, how's you going?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Good, we've been trying to get through on a parcel delivery that no one answered the buzzer last couple of times.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Just looking for assurances that you'll be there this evening when we re-attempt delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Parcel is from Shick Corporation, Connecticut.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Shick. Gotcha.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, $34.32. C.O.D.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: About 18-pound parcel.
  
• SPEAKER_01: So if you have a dolly or something of that nature, that would be helpful as well.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Or we can just leave it in a safe place if you want to do payment by phone.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Um, okay.
  
• SPEAKER_04: When would you guys be able to reattempt delivery?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Could I transfer you to my driver and you can maybe work that out with him?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's fine.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Alex is the driver.
  
• SPEAKER_01: One moment, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Just a second.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_04: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yes?
  
• SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I was transferred over to see when you guys were going to be able to re-attempt delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, to see what?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Say it again?
  
• SPEAKER_04: Yeah, someone, uh, was it, Ned transferring me over?
  
• SPEAKER_04: To see when you guys were going to re-attempt delivery?
  
• SPEAKER_04: To, uh, shit corporation.
  
• SPEAKER_00: No, you got the wrong number.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Somebody's screwing with the phones.
  
• SPEAKER_00: They do this all the time.
  
• SPEAKER_00: They cross-connect people who don't know anything about each other.
  
• SPEAKER_00: And they just mess with us.
  
• SPEAKER_00: So you'll have to bear with it.
  
• SPEAKER_00: They'll probably try again once or twice and just hang up on them.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do we work that out or?
  
• SPEAKER_05: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, this is Winchell with United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: How are we today, sir?
  
• SPEAKER_05: Fine.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, good.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, we've been out there three times and no one answered the buzzer when our driver was there.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Any particular reason?
  
• SPEAKER_01: No one was there for your delivery on your COD item?
  
• SPEAKER_05: COD.
  
• SPEAKER_05: What are you talking about, sir?
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's from pull-ups.com, and we've got a parcel, COD, $86.81.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been trying to deliver for the past seven days.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I don't buy pull-ups, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, it's none of my concern what you do, where you order from.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to get your parcel to you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you know, Wendell, our driver?
  
• SPEAKER_05: No?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, because we're sending them back out there one more time.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If no one's available, we'll just be returning the item at that juncture.
  
• SPEAKER_01: So, what is the best time to be there tonight?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hmm?
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm not going to tell you a time unless you tell me, like, who it's for...
  
• SPEAKER_01: Pardon me, sir?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is our fourth attempt.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Can you appreciate what that means?
  
• SPEAKER_05: I appreciate what that means.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I think that I should be informed as to who the...
  
• SPEAKER_05: this is delivering for if you know my name, if you know who ordered this and, you know,
  
• SPEAKER_05: the address, because that would be helpful.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, you place the order.
  
• SPEAKER_01: There's no doubt in my mind about that.
  
• SPEAKER_01: And it's $88.68.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm on the dock, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm here on my day off, trying to get these packages where they belong.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm sorry, I'm going to need more information because I don't know what you're talking about exactly.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, pull-ups.
  
• SPEAKER_01: some kind of garment, 8668, as do cash check.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We can take a credit card now and you can tell us where to leave the item.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's a big, big box.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hi, yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is Samson with UPS calling more need of a credit card for your order, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_02: We did not order anything.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You did not order anything.
  
• SPEAKER_02: And here's the thing, fucker.
  
• SPEAKER_02: If you call again, I'm going to call again.
  
• SPEAKER_02: call the cops on you for scamming people.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, we're on our way out there with your box this evening.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, well, what's the address?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's the address, Charlie?
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're at 535 Lincoln Avenue, suite 3,600.
  
• SPEAKER_01: And my name's Samson with UPS.com.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Cool, but we did not order it from there.
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, your order is from pullups.com.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but we did not, I'm telling you, we didn't.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Not going to them!
  
• SPEAKER_01: We just need a payment, right, for $86.78.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_02: No, we're saying, better, stop a, stop at the...
  
• SPEAKER_01: Pardon me, sir?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello, this is Elmer. I'm a supervisor at UPS.com.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, what appears to be the trouble up here, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Ah!
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay, great.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm a supervisor.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Fuck, dude.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What the fuck?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Stop fucking calling me now.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, sir, I'm Elmer Blip.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm a manager at EPS.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I get off what you are, dude.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Fuck you.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Stop fucking call him.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've got a COD for you on our truck, okay.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Fuck you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Spencer?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Spencer.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is Dugan with UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What appears to be the trouble up here, sir?
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've got a parcel for you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been trying to deliver, no one answered the door.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You didn't order anything.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've got a parcel here, your signature on it right here.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I just need to know the best time of day.
  
• SPEAKER_01: to bring it to you.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I didn't order anything.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I can be there in 20 minutes, there, guy.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We'll be there in 15, 20 minutes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You got that?
  
• SPEAKER_01: COD.
  
• SPEAKER_01: And I'd like to take care of today.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't want any problems with our driver
  
• SPEAKER_01: when he gets there.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Is that understood?
  
• SPEAKER_07: You can drive it off somewhere else, isn't that one?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Somewhere else.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Not an option, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is your item COD.
  
• SPEAKER_01: $48.84.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I didn't order a product.
  
• SPEAKER_01: 88-inch whip is what it says it is here.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Whip, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Are you hard hearing?
  
• SPEAKER_07: Quick call you.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I know this is fake.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is UPS, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm in the corporate tower of UPS here.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right?
  
• SPEAKER_01: And I don't want any fiddled in around when our driver comes back.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Well, earlier, you said United Postal Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, I didn't.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're mistaken.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Oh, you're mistaken.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Who knows where I work?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Me or you?
  
• SPEAKER_07: Look, I'm about to report this number.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, sir, I'm from United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've got a delivery to make here.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We need you to cut a check to our driver.
  
• SPEAKER_01: $48.84.
  
• SPEAKER_07: You'll cut a check to you forever.
  
• SPEAKER_07: It'll be from the company in which you got ordered for.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Whip World.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You ordered your whip?
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're trying to deliver it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is our fourth attempt, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Hold on to it because I didn't order anything.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I'm telling you.
  
• None: I'm telling you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been holding on to it for a week because you didn't answer your door.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Well, like I haven't gotten their receipt.
  
• SPEAKER_07: a letter saying that's come pick it up.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, we sent you an email.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We left you a voicemail.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Oh, well, that's the funny thing you need.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I keep, look.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I keep checking my email and voice mail because I have a job that you use an email address.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You've got a COD delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Put the fuck up and quit calling me.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I'm about to report this number to the police.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm about to call the police on you for threatening a UPS representative.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I didn't threaten you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, how you going like that?
  
• SPEAKER_01: How are you going like that?
  
• SPEAKER_07: Quit calling me.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You got a whip.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're talking.
  
• SPEAKER_01: trying to deliver. I'd like it done today.
  
• SPEAKER_07: I don't get that with me. What? What's the fuck out of you with it?
  
• SPEAKER_07: Quit calling me.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got a stick. I'll bring up there.
  
• SPEAKER_07: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes. This is Fabio with UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Our driver's been out there four times recently and no one answered.
  
• SPEAKER_10: For what?
  
• SPEAKER_01: His call for a COD delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_10: For a what?
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're trying to make a COD delivery. That means cash on delivery?
  
• SPEAKER_01: It means cash on delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_09: What is the package?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Says contents are Sequoian pellets.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Yeah, I don't know what that is.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I hear that all the time.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Leave me back alone.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hi, yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Miss Lady Liberty?
  
• SPEAKER_09: No, fuck off and die.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is Fabio with UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got your pellets for delivery.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Don't call me again.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Get away.
  
• SPEAKER_09: I don't want to be fucking woken up.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Leave me to fuck alone.
  
• SPEAKER_09: How fucking stupid are you?
  
• SPEAKER_09: Do not fucking call me.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, hey.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is UPS.com.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm looking from it.
  
• SPEAKER_09: No, it's not.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Fuck off.
  
• SPEAKER_09: You have the wrong number.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Sequoian pellets.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're going to love what you see.
  
• SPEAKER_09: You call me four times today.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Leave me alone.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Our driver's on his way back there, man.
  
• SPEAKER_09: I want all these fucking cops.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Stop harassing me.
  
• SPEAKER_09: Leave me the fuck alone.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Leave me alone.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, can I talk to Pat, please?
  
• SPEAKER_10: What part of leave me alone, don't you understand?
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is Max with UPS, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to reach Pat about your packets.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Oh, okay, okay, I'm sorry.
  
• SPEAKER_10: I'm sorry.
  
• SPEAKER_10: I've had so many scam calls.
  
• SPEAKER_10: All right, what about you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: A spam call?
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no.
  
• SPEAKER_01: United Parcel Service, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_10: I know, I know, now.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now we've been out there three times in the past 10 days.
  
• SPEAKER_01: as our driver says, and no one answered the door.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Well, he didn't knock very hard then, and why did you need...
  
• SPEAKER_10: Usually, they just leave it on the porch.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, this is a COD order, $76.81.
  
• SPEAKER_10: For what?
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's from the Fungle Brothers, Feed and Seed, it says.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Nope, nope, that's not me.
  
• SPEAKER_01: 28 pounds, Feed and Seed Fungle Brothers.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Nope, nope, nope, no.
  
• SPEAKER_10: No, it's not for me.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at your signature, and we've already been out there three times, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Now, what's the best time to come back up, bear?
  
• SPEAKER_10: That's 5 o'clock tonight.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We'll be there at 10 o'clock tonight.
  
• SPEAKER_01: All right?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Is that all right with you?
  
• SPEAKER_10: No, no, not no, 10 o'clock at night.
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Man, can you appreciate what we've done for you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been out there three times in the past 10 days with your bag of seed here.
  
• SPEAKER_10: But I did not.
  
• SPEAKER_10: I've ordered nothing.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You did not order anything?
  
• SPEAKER_10: No, I did not.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, I've got the address, and I'm looking at your signature right here.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm MaxMillion, okay, from United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Have you got a check prepared for our driver, please?
  
• SPEAKER_10: No, I do not.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You do not.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, how long's it going to take to get the $86 prepared up?
  
• SPEAKER_10: Well, I'm sorry.
  
• SPEAKER_10: you know, $86.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I can take a credit card over the phone and leave the bag in a safe place.
  
• SPEAKER_01: That's no problem at all.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Good for you, but no.
  
• SPEAKER_10: Thank you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, just read the credit card number slowly.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, Mr. Turnkey, please?
  
• SPEAKER_08: He's busy right now.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Who's calling?
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is a doc with United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Yeah, and what is it about?
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's about his seat.
  
• SPEAKER_01: DoD parcel, ma'am?
  
• SPEAKER_08: Well, I'm his wife, so what can I help you with?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I see.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: So, yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_08: He has a parcel that's cash on delivery?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
  
• SPEAKER_08: And who's it from?
  
• SPEAKER_01: From Batista, Morocco.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It says on the label.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Yeah, well, I don't know who that is, so don't deliver it because we're not going to pay for it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, our truck's already on the way.
  
• SPEAKER_01: man. And he's been out there twice, but no one answered the door, of all things, huh?
  
• SPEAKER_08: All right. I'll listen for the door again.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, have you got a check. I never leave the house.
  
• SPEAKER_08: I'm not going to pay for anything until I see what it is. Thank you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: $541 dollars, dollars, dollars, dollars.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, Maria.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Doc from United Parcel Service. Now, just trying to find her out what the problem is up.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Yeah, okay, look, I've never had a phone call from United, from UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_08: something to deliver, knock on the door, and please don't call me back again.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been out there three times. No one answered the buzzer all bar.
  
• SPEAKER_01: How do you go figure that? What would you like us to do?
  
• SPEAKER_08: Excuse me, will you please hang up the phone? What do I have to do to disconnect your number?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Can I get a credit card number? We can leave it in a safe place? That's okay. No, there's no credit
  
• SPEAKER_08: card number on the phone. There's no credit card number on the phone. I don't know who you are.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm dock.
  
• SPEAKER_01: with UPS.com. Okay, and I don't, I don't believe you. No. So, no. I've worked here for 11 months,
  
• SPEAKER_08: miss. Yeah, well, good for you. It sounds like a scam to me. I don't give out my, my credit card,
  
• SPEAKER_08: and I don't write checks to people I don't know. If someone shows up at my door and they have a plausible
  
• SPEAKER_01: whatever order, then we're looking. These are like 75 pounds of beans taking up a lot of space in our
  
• SPEAKER_01: truck that you ordered.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Well, look.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We did not order beans.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got your signature right here, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Just cut a check, and then we'll drop it off in a safe place.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm a manager.
  
• SPEAKER_08: No, I'm not interested.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Terry, please.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Who's calling?
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is Doc from UPS calling.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's the problem here?
  
• SPEAKER_08: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_06: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_06: Hello, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_06: Hi, this is Carl from UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_06: So I'll be assisting you're really concerned about your package, ma'am.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Look, if you have a UPS delivery, deliver it to my house.
  
• SPEAKER_06: Yeah. Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_06: Do you have, like, a tracking number for this item, ma'am, for me to raise this?
  
• SPEAKER_08: I don't have, I haven't ordered anything through UPS, so.
  
• SPEAKER_08: Ah, okay.
  
• SPEAKER_08: All right? I don't know. Doc is calling me. I think it's a scam.
  
• SPEAKER_08: So please don't call me.
  
• SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's my best cam, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_06: Thank you. Thank you.