wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 13 (2017)

Track 11: Ruthless Booth

SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Hi, this is Camacho with the Pig Malian Gang.
SPEAKER_01: We're calling to gather who you're voting for this year.
SPEAKER_07: I don't know who this is. Don't fucking call me again.
SPEAKER_01: What's the problem here today?
SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Hi, sir. We're the Pig Malian Gang.
SPEAKER_01: Can you just tell us who you're voting for today?
SPEAKER_07: I don't know what the fucking Pig Malian Gang is.
SPEAKER_07: Stop calling me for these different numbers.
SPEAKER_07: Leave me alone.
SPEAKER_01: We just need to know we offer a 56-inch submarine sandwich for the information.
SPEAKER_07: I'm okay.
SPEAKER_07: All good on sandwiches.
SPEAKER_07: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm Perez with Spacehorse.
SPEAKER_01: We're just going to gather who you're voting for this year.
SPEAKER_01: Who is this?
SPEAKER_01: I'm Perez.
SPEAKER_01: If you could just tell us who you intend to vote for, we offer tokens for the information.
SPEAKER_01: Clinton.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: There's emerging data on what the tokens are worth, so you'll be sort of an investor.
SPEAKER_01: So we wear stilts on election day, so people can see us.
SPEAKER_01: loud and proud on Voting Day.
SPEAKER_01: Are you with us on that one?
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to be in South America on Election Day.
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to be sending my vote in ahead of time.
SPEAKER_01: Well, if you'd like to wear stilts, just give us a holler and we can arrange that.
None: Okay.
SPEAKER_07: Well, good luck with that. Be careful.
SPEAKER_07: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm an examiner with Space Horse, and we're calling to ask what you think of the U.S. elections.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: I think it's the problem.
SPEAKER_00: democracy that, like, mess manipulated, you know.
SPEAKER_00: It's not many choices, just to, should be more.
SPEAKER_00: That's my opinion.
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, like, who's got the more money, they're going to win.
SPEAKER_00: But I have to hang up now.
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, because I'm kind of busy.
SPEAKER_00: Bye, bye.
SPEAKER_00: Cheers.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, Mr. Brown, what do you need?
SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm Howard with Kindergarteners for Change.
SPEAKER_01: We're going to ask who you're voting for this year.
SPEAKER_03: Well, I sure ain't going to put that cut.
SPEAKER_03: damn woman in there.
SPEAKER_03: They can't even change a co-text.
SPEAKER_03: Right.
SPEAKER_03: She's in more trouble.
SPEAKER_03: You can shake a stick at, so let's try to get another man in there and get rid of what we got,
SPEAKER_03: okay?
SPEAKER_03: I'm a federal police news reporter.
SPEAKER_03: My license says I've been there since 1960, and I'm still on the go, and I'm in 50 states
SPEAKER_03: and calls coming all over the United States.
SPEAKER_03: But my police scoreboard here, don't give the name and just gives a blank, blank, blank,
SPEAKER_03: blank, we just hang up on them because I've got too much stuff to do.
SPEAKER_03: It's in to watch your number or anybody else's number coming up, unidentified telephone number.
SPEAKER_03: So you got my vote.
SPEAKER_03: Let's put another man in there and see, he can't be no worse.
SPEAKER_03: The other day, he says, F-U-C-K, did you see that one?
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: Didn't you?
SPEAKER_03: Jesus, I've been on all day today and all day yesterday, and he says,
SPEAKER_03: they blanked out, and them fucking son of the bitches.
SPEAKER_03: You can read his lips, but they blanked his words out.
SPEAKER_03: But they allowed it on television that she's done something else now that they say this morning news
SPEAKER_03: that they're figuring on pulling her on the carpet and find out what she meant by the remarks
SPEAKER_03: if she did get in her from this one state.
SPEAKER_03: So keep your good work up, guy, and let's hope that we can do it right this time, okay?
SPEAKER_01: Okay, take a vitamin.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_01: This is Heath Rubbitt.
SPEAKER_01: What's up?
SPEAKER_01: I'm calling from the trapezoid.
SPEAKER_01: discovery?
SPEAKER_01: Call to ask who you're voting for this election cycle.
SPEAKER_07: What's the park are you talking about?
SPEAKER_07: Who am I voting for?
SPEAKER_07: Like, it's the main election?
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
SPEAKER_01: We offer a 56 inch submarine sandwich in exchange for the information.
SPEAKER_07: 56 inch submarine sandwich from where?
SPEAKER_01: From Testi's Park sandwiches?
SPEAKER_07: I don't think I live in here one of those.
SPEAKER_07: I live in Richmond, Virginia, but I'll tell you, I was a Bernie man, so I would have voted for him,
SPEAKER_07: but I guess I'll vote for Hillary, because I definitely do not like Donald Trump.
SPEAKER_07: That's your information.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_07: Is that the only election you're looking for?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, would you be interested in joining our trapezoid of discovery?
SPEAKER_07: Hey, I know who you are.
SPEAKER_01: I'm Heath Rubbitt. That's my name.
SPEAKER_07: You're Longmore Potion Castle, brother.
SPEAKER_07: And you're my hero.
SPEAKER_07: Bios Electronics.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm Pothbrow from the Rubba Dubb House.
SPEAKER_01: We're calling to ask who you're voting for this cycle, sir.
SPEAKER_05: You're who?
SPEAKER_05: Who are now?
SPEAKER_01: My name's Hoffbrow.
SPEAKER_01: I'm from the Rubba Dub House.
SPEAKER_01: We're calling to...
SPEAKER_04: Oh, sure you are.
SPEAKER_04: Go fuck your mother.
SPEAKER_04: Fuck off.
SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Hi.
SPEAKER_01: This is Bud Studdered.
SPEAKER_01: I'm calling to ask who you're voting for this election.
SPEAKER_05: Um, I always write in Billy D. Williams.
SPEAKER_01: As in Lando Calrissian?
SPEAKER_05: Yes, sir.
SPEAKER_05: Every election for the last five elections.
SPEAKER_01: But on a serious note, sir, sir, who are you voting for this election?
SPEAKER_05: I've...
SPEAKER_05: vote for Billy D. Williams. I write him in.
SPEAKER_01: Okay. Would you be willing to wear stilts this election day to let everyone see it?
SPEAKER_01: 20 feet in the air? Sure.
SPEAKER_01: Okay. Well, we need you to go to Halifax, Nova Scotia, to pick them up. Would that be a problem?
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
SPEAKER_01: Stop calling me.
SPEAKER_01: We didn't get an answer on who you're voting for.
SPEAKER_05: I told you, Billy D. Williams.
SPEAKER_01: He's not a candidate.
SPEAKER_01: I can write him in.
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to.
SPEAKER_01: give us a legitimate answer?
SPEAKER_05: That is my legitimate answer.
SPEAKER_05: Every years that I voted, I've written in Billy Williams.
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh. Well, will you be doing that when you're 20 foot in the air on stilts, sir?
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
SPEAKER_01: How serious are you about this here?
SPEAKER_05: How did you get my number?
SPEAKER_01: From the Postmaster.
SPEAKER_05: My, this, this, this actual number is not listed with the USPS.
SPEAKER_01: How about we meet you down at the voting booth and shove you around a little bit this year?
SPEAKER_05: Shit. I actually.
SPEAKER_05: you write in Billy Williams every year.
SPEAKER_01: You want to get physical this year?
SPEAKER_01: I don't believe in violence.
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh. But you believe in throwing your vote away, huh?
SPEAKER_05: Well, our system is corrupt, and it doesn't matter anyway. What's the point?
SPEAKER_01: Well, the point is that Lando Calerizium was defeated years ago.
SPEAKER_01: So you're doubly throwing your vote away.
SPEAKER_05: He wasn't defeated, though. You don't even know your Star Wars history. That's sad.
SPEAKER_01: You've never even heard of Yoda, have you?
SPEAKER_01: Sir, just give us a legitimate choice, and we'll move on, all right?
SPEAKER_01: Oh, my God.
SPEAKER_01: You a big drinker over there, guy?
SPEAKER_01: I don't drink.
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05: I think alcohol is disgusting.
SPEAKER_05: Stop calling.
SPEAKER_01: Service.
SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm Herbie Rubbit.
SPEAKER_01: We're calling together who you're voting for, or if you're even voting.
SPEAKER_02: Who are you?
SPEAKER_01: Herbie Rubbitt.
SPEAKER_02: What are you calling me for?
SPEAKER_01: a neighborhood coalition. We're just asking who you're voting for this cycle.
SPEAKER_05: What the hell business isn't of yours?
SPEAKER_01: Well, we're a task force.
SPEAKER_01: Service department.
SPEAKER_01: It's Herbie. I never got a response on who you're voting for.
SPEAKER_01: My response is go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_01: I'm the one calling you, guy. We need the answers here. I need to put something down here.
SPEAKER_02: I need to put something down here. Go fuck yourself. How about that? Can you go fuck
SPEAKER_02: yourself? Do you know how to go fuck yourself?
SPEAKER_02: Because if you don't, I'll come over at all.
SPEAKER_02: I'll fuck you. I'll rip your fucking hat off and then fuck you.
SPEAKER_02: I'll call the sheriff's office. Got your fucking number and call her ID.
SPEAKER_02: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is Bender with Homo Nina. We're calling together who...
SPEAKER_06: Because the guy called me last night and pissed me off and then kept calling me back and piss me off.
SPEAKER_01: Well, tell us who you're voting for.
SPEAKER_06: I'm sorry?
SPEAKER_01: Tell us who you're voting for, guy.
SPEAKER_06: I told you that I was undecided. Why do you continue to call me?
SPEAKER_01: Well, you've had a day. Who do you intend to vote for?
SPEAKER_06: I haven't decided.
SPEAKER_01: You're not even registered. Is that it?
SPEAKER_06: You know what? I've been registered for years, and that's why I hung up on you, because...
SPEAKER_01: I don't believe you.
SPEAKER_06: Who the fuck in my talking to? Somebody's pulling my deck.
SPEAKER_01: I'm Bender, all right?
SPEAKER_06: Bender?
SPEAKER_01: No, why don't you get serious?
SPEAKER_06: Well, Bender, do me a favor.
SPEAKER_06: Don't call this number anymore.
SPEAKER_06: Guy, who are you voting for?
SPEAKER_06: I'm voting for Nixon, okay?
SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Now, quit horsing around and tell us which candidate you choose.
SPEAKER_06: Oh, you motherfucker?
SPEAKER_06: He switched phones on me.
SPEAKER_01: Who do you choose?
SPEAKER_06: Okay, I'm voting for Hillary.
SPEAKER_06: As soon as I get registered.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, we offer you a free sombrero for the information.
None: I can't wait to get it.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I bet.
SPEAKER_01: What are you going to pop it on and take a big old nap?
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I'm going to put the sombrero on and take a nap.
SPEAKER_06: Who in the fuck is calling me?
SPEAKER_06: You know, I half recognize this voice, but I can't place.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for the eighth time, I'm Bender.
SPEAKER_01: I'm with Homo Nina.
SPEAKER_06: Homo Nina. Bender.
SPEAKER_06: Okay, Bender.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
SPEAKER_06: Are you recording this conversation?
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to type it in and submit it along with all our other data, yeah.
SPEAKER_06: And you can submit it to the Homo Nina.
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: Come on, comics.
SPEAKER_01: Hi, this is Camacho.
SPEAKER_01: We're calling to ask who you're voting for this election cycle.
SPEAKER_04: sir. There's nobody's business.
SPEAKER_01: Well, we offer a 56-inch submarine sandwich for the information.
SPEAKER_04: I'm still nobody's business.
SPEAKER_01: So you don't intend to vote then at all?
SPEAKER_04: No, I'm voting.
SPEAKER_01: Well, for who?
SPEAKER_01: What did I say at the very beginning of this?
SPEAKER_01: You said comics.
SPEAKER_01: No, I said Clint's comics.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Clint's comics, sure.
SPEAKER_04: Yeah. And I said, it's nobody's business who I'm voting for.
SPEAKER_01: Sir, which candidate are you voting for?
SPEAKER_04: Sir, I'll say one more time.
SPEAKER_04: I'm not divulging who I vote for to anyone.
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's not an answer.
SPEAKER_04: It's a private affair.
SPEAKER_01: That's not an answer at all.
SPEAKER_01: I'm with the showroom at Hidden House, okay?
SPEAKER_01: And we gather who you're voting for, and I need an answer today to put down on my tablet.
SPEAKER_04: Put down on your answer, it's nobody's business.
SPEAKER_04: Voting for the private affair.
SPEAKER_01: You're not even a registered voter, I bet.
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I am.
SPEAKER_04: I've been voting since 1972.
SPEAKER_01: For who?
SPEAKER_04: I vote every other.
SPEAKER_04: election. For who? Sir?
SPEAKER_04: Clunch Comics.
SPEAKER_01: Excuse me. We never got a response in who you're voting for this cycle.
SPEAKER_04: I know you didn't.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. Well, so... You're not going to.
SPEAKER_01: Well, tell us who you're voting for.
SPEAKER_01: Sir? Yes. You keep bothering me. Where are you at?
SPEAKER_01: Well, we offered you the sandwich, just like... Where are you at?
SPEAKER_01: I'm in our call center.
SPEAKER_04: Where's your call center?
SPEAKER_01: We're non-disclosure oriented, sir.
SPEAKER_04: Okay. Well, I'm non-disclosure oriented, sir.
SPEAKER_04: If you keep bothering me, I will turn you into the government, okay?
SPEAKER_01: What branch?
SPEAKER_04: Whatever branch I want to. Look, I served in the military, you piece of shit.
SPEAKER_01: What branch of the military?
SPEAKER_04: Navy? During the Vietnam War.
SPEAKER_04: And, you know, I served not to have fucking assholes like you call me up on the phone and bother me.
SPEAKER_04: I said, I'm not telling you. What more do you need to know?
SPEAKER_01: I bet you dodged the draft altogether.
SPEAKER_04: I didn't die to the draft.
SPEAKER_04: You know, sir? I don't care what you think.
SPEAKER_04: And you know what? If you're that fucking ballsy, come in here and say that to my face.
SPEAKER_04: That's all I ask.
SPEAKER_01: I'll come in there if you tell me who you're voting for.
SPEAKER_01: Sure I will.
SPEAKER_04: I'll tell you, you come in here, and I'll tell you who I'm voting for.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: You just want the free sandwich. Is that it?
SPEAKER_04: No, I don't want free shit from anybody.
SPEAKER_01: Sir, give us the...
SPEAKER_04: I'm going to tell you something. What organization do you work for?
SPEAKER_01: I'm concerned.
SPEAKER_01: Dick with the showroom at Hidden House.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_04: Showroom at Hidden House.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Just give us the information, guy.
SPEAKER_04: No.
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean, no?
SPEAKER_04: You know, you were either the stupidest motherfucker out there, or you just want to bother people on the phone.
SPEAKER_01: I want answers, is what I want.
SPEAKER_04: You got answers.
SPEAKER_01: That you dodge the draft? That's not anything at all.
SPEAKER_04: No, I didn't dodge the draft, you piece of shit.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, you did.
SPEAKER_04: I served our fucking country, you piece of shit.
SPEAKER_04: And if you don't like what I'm saying, come in here and tell me that.
SPEAKER_01: You're not registered to vote, and you dodge the draft.
SPEAKER_04: I'm registered to vote.
SPEAKER_04: It's none of your fucking business who I vote for.
SPEAKER_04: That's what I'm putting down.
SPEAKER_04: There's a reason they have a little curtain on a lot of the register booths.
SPEAKER_04: And when you go up there, you're by yourself.
SPEAKER_04: Nobody watches you vote.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04: That is one of the privileges of being in our country.
SPEAKER_04: Did you know that?
SPEAKER_01: Well, I vote on stilts 20 feet in the air so people know that I'm voting.
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's good.
SPEAKER_01: Loud and proud.
SPEAKER_04: Hey, don't call me back.
SPEAKER_01: Sir, give me the money.
SPEAKER_01: information we need. Who we voted for?
SPEAKER_04: I said, I'm not telling anyone.
SPEAKER_01: We don't share the information.
SPEAKER_04: No, I don't care about sharing.
SPEAKER_04: I have your phone number.
SPEAKER_04: I'm tracing to find out where you're at.
SPEAKER_01: Just answer the question.
SPEAKER_04: Did you hear me? I said, I am not
SPEAKER_04: telling anyone.
SPEAKER_04: Not only that, but this is a business.
SPEAKER_04: You're bothering me at my job.
SPEAKER_01: I'm a patriot.
SPEAKER_04: Sir?
SPEAKER_01: Tell me what I need to know.
SPEAKER_04: This is a fucking free country. I can do what I want.