wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 19 (2022)

Track 7: Machete Lottery

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SPEAKER_04: Louis Country Store.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is Herbie Blunt.
SPEAKER_00: I got a lottery ticket from you all up there a couple days ago.
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00: And I won $200.
SPEAKER_00: It was a big winner.
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00: But I can't find my ticket.
SPEAKER_00: I lost it.
SPEAKER_00: I lost my ticket.
SPEAKER_00: So can you guys all just look me up and just verify it?
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it came from your store, so.
SPEAKER_03: There's nothing I can help you with on that, hon.
SPEAKER_00: After I won $200.
SPEAKER_03: Yes, I'm sorry, I mean, but there's nothing I can do about it.
SPEAKER_00: So you can just look up the code.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it came from your store.
SPEAKER_03: No, I can't look it up.
SPEAKER_03: No, you'd have to call the lottery commission to look up any tickets that you've lost.
SPEAKER_00: Well, I did.
SPEAKER_00: They told me to talk to you all up here.
SPEAKER_03: Well, I won $200.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know how to go into this system.
SPEAKER_03: They're full of it because I don't know how to go in and look up old lottery tickets from three days ago.
SPEAKER_00: Well, can you just give me $200?
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm in there two three times.
SPEAKER_03: No, I can't give you any money without the ticket.
SPEAKER_03: I'm in there three times a day.
SPEAKER_03: And the lottery board knows that, and they'll tell you that.
SPEAKER_00: I'm in there two, three times a day.
SPEAKER_03: I know, but, hon, without that ticket, I'm not giving you $200 without a ticket,
SPEAKER_03: because then when it comes up short, then it comes out of my check.
SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not paying for it.
SPEAKER_00: Just use your scanner.
SPEAKER_00: Just scan it in there, and you'll see that I got it from your store.
SPEAKER_03: Well, you have to have the ticket for me to scan.
SPEAKER_03: I don't have access.
SPEAKER_03: I don't have access to get what you bought three days ago.
SPEAKER_03: And if you lost the ticket, that's on you.
SPEAKER_03: I can't give you $200 without the ticket.
SPEAKER_00: Can you just give me?
SPEAKER_00: some more tickets then lottery tickets two hundred dollars for them no i can i
SPEAKER_03: give you two hundred dollars worth of lottery tickets in place for it no i already won i won big
SPEAKER_03: well you didn't well i don't know that you don't have your ticket so i can't prove it well i'm telling you i did
SPEAKER_03: didn't i that's not enough for me honey anybody could tell me that they they won two hundred dollars on a ticket
SPEAKER_00: i don't mean i'm going to pay it look my grandfather came in there he was in there two three times a day
SPEAKER_03: sorry if your grandfather come in here and you come in here all the time without a ticket i cannot do a payout
SPEAKER_00: My grandfather came before me.
SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry, hun, I've got customers to tend to.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, just give me some tickets.
SPEAKER_00: I'll pick up some tickets from you, all right?
SPEAKER_00: Later tonight.
SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not giving you any free tickets.
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
SPEAKER_00: They're not free.
SPEAKER_00: I already won from you.
SPEAKER_00: You don't you see?
SPEAKER_03: You give me the money.
SPEAKER_03: You'll get the tickets.
SPEAKER_03: Try to come up here and get the tickets without the money, you'll see.
SPEAKER_03: Country store.
SPEAKER_03: May I help you?
SPEAKER_00: Hey, this is Herbie Blunt calling.
SPEAKER_00: All right.
SPEAKER_03: Yes, I'm kind of busy, hon.
SPEAKER_03: I cannot sit here and debate over whether I'm paying you $200 or not.
SPEAKER_00: Well, you're.
SPEAKER_00: You'll be paying me the money.
SPEAKER_03: Because without a ticket, I'm not doing it.
SPEAKER_03: Do what?
SPEAKER_00: You're going to pay me.
SPEAKER_03: No, I'm not paying you anything.
SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you what.
SPEAKER_03: You come on up here and see if I'm going to give you free tickets or anything for free without a damn ticket to verify that you bought it.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, my grandfather used to come in there before me.
SPEAKER_03: I don't care if your grandfather came up here.
SPEAKER_03: I cannot give you anything for free.
SPEAKER_03: You don't have a ticket.
SPEAKER_03: I cannot help you.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I know.
SPEAKER_03: Now stop calling and stop bothering me.
SPEAKER_00: You're harassing me, lady.
SPEAKER_03: No, you're calling here and harassing me.
SPEAKER_03: Now, like I said, if you want to come on up here and try it, go right.
SPEAKER_00: I know the guitar pair of Slash, and I'm going to bring him in there.
SPEAKER_03: I don't care who you know.
SPEAKER_03: Y'all think you're full of shit.
SPEAKER_03: It's what I think.
SPEAKER_00: He's going to come in there.
SPEAKER_00: He's going to come in there.
SPEAKER_03: Goose country store.
SPEAKER_00: Hello, this is Herbie Blunt calling.
SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, I need you all to fetch what I need.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's all as I need today, is my 200 lottery tickets, all right?
SPEAKER_04: Well, you are going to have to contact the lottery commission.
SPEAKER_00: I don't talk to them.
SPEAKER_04: I don't have any thing to do with that.
SPEAKER_04: Well, then if you've talked to them, then they can send you your money.
SPEAKER_00: Well, they told me to talk to the manager up here is who I need to talk to.
SPEAKER_04: No, she's not allowed to give you the money.
SPEAKER_04: She's talked to the owners, and they will not allow that.
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm going to come up there and get what I need.
SPEAKER_04: Well, if you do that, you're going to get what you need and probably a bullet in your ass at the same time.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm going to come up and body blow, body blow, body blow.
SPEAKER_00: How's that sound?
SPEAKER_04: Okay, well, that sounds great.
SPEAKER_04: You come right on up, sweetheart.
SPEAKER_04: We're waiting.
SPEAKER_00: I know Slash.
SPEAKER_00: You ever heard of Slash, a guitar player?
SPEAKER_04: You know what?
SPEAKER_04: I know all kinds of people.
SPEAKER_04: I know good.
SPEAKER_04: and bad meth heads and, you know, I know all kinds of things, too.
SPEAKER_04: But if you think that you're going to come up here and get your lottery tickets,
SPEAKER_04: then you march your little happy ass right on up here.
SPEAKER_00: Slash is going to come up there and whoopee.
SPEAKER_00: You got me?
SPEAKER_04: No, that's good.
SPEAKER_04: All right.
SPEAKER_04: We'll send him home.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm going to come up there and body blow, body blow, body blow.
SPEAKER_00: Does that sound good?
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
SPEAKER_04: That sounds great.
SPEAKER_00: Why don't you just fetch what I need?
SPEAKER_04: I don't know how to fetch.
SPEAKER_04: I'm not a fucking dog.
SPEAKER_00: Just fetch me my money.
SPEAKER_00: That's all I need.
SPEAKER_04: Well, go fetch a fucking job and quit playing lottery.
SPEAKER_03: I've got both your numbers.
SPEAKER_03: I'll have the owners call you back when they're ready.
SPEAKER_00: I'll bring my machete up there.
SPEAKER_03: Why don't you bring your machete up?
SPEAKER_03: You're the same stupid ass threatening to come up here with a tree limb and beat my ass.
SPEAKER_03: Come on and do it.
SPEAKER_00: I got a machete.
SPEAKER_03: Quit talking your shit.
SPEAKER_03: Oh man, ain't you got nothing better to do?
SPEAKER_00: I got a machete.
SPEAKER_03: Get your shit out of the dirt and do something, you chicken shit, motherfucker.
SPEAKER_03: Come on.
SPEAKER_03: Lewis Country Store, may I help you?
SPEAKER_01: Hello.
SPEAKER_01: This is Ala at the Lottery.
SPEAKER_01: What can I do for you?
SPEAKER_01: you had some questions about selling a winning ticket.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, no, it is a man who is calling and harassing us,
SPEAKER_03: and he wanted me to pay him for a ticket he had bought.
SPEAKER_03: That was a $200 winner, he said, and I told him, no, I couldn't do it without the ticket.
SPEAKER_03: And he told me that, yes, I could, that y'all told him I could.
SPEAKER_03: And I told him no.
SPEAKER_03: And so, yeah, that's who called you.
SPEAKER_03: He's just trying to harass us more.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03: So if I were you, I wouldn't, yeah, I wouldn't listen to anybody else.
SPEAKER_01: I guess he just transferred me over.
SPEAKER_01: to you. I don't know why, but, okay.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know how he's done it or whatever, but yeah, he's the same,
SPEAKER_03: it's the same crappy old man that was calling up here last night of Rasmus.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I got to. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_01: All right. No problem. You have a good day.
SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry. All right.
SPEAKER_03: That's okay.
SPEAKER_03: Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_03: Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_03: Lewis Country Store.
SPEAKER_02: I got it.
SPEAKER_02: Louis Country Store.
SPEAKER_02: Hi, this is Tammy. Can I help you?
SPEAKER_01: You called me.
SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: No, no, I didn't call you.
SPEAKER_01: I spoke to somebody, I guess.
SPEAKER_02: No, you definitely called me.
SPEAKER_02: I just answered the phone, and it says, private on my caller ID.
SPEAKER_01: This is Tammy from Louisiana Lottery.
SPEAKER_01: I did not call you.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, look, sweetheart.
SPEAKER_02: Y'all, you'll quit calling me, okay?
SPEAKER_02: Quit calling me.
SPEAKER_02: This is the third time y'all called me.
SPEAKER_02: Stop it.
SPEAKER_02: We're not even in Louisiana.
SPEAKER_02: We're in Tennessee.
SPEAKER_02: So stop calling me.
SPEAKER_02: What do you want?
SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Michael at the lottery.
SPEAKER_00: You have questions?
SPEAKER_02: No, this isn't Michael with the lottery.
SPEAKER_02: This is area code 971-276-28-9.
SPEAKER_02: And let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_02: You call it my goddamn employees again.
SPEAKER_02: I will hunt you down, and I'll make you wish you had a goddamn machete.
SPEAKER_02: Do you understand me?
SPEAKER_02: You quit calling my goddamn business.
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to have your goddamn ass arrested.
SPEAKER_02: I've got your goddamn caller ID right here.
SPEAKER_02: You understand me?
SPEAKER_04: Great.
SPEAKER_02: Do you fucking understand me?
SPEAKER_04: I understand you.
SPEAKER_04: I fucking understand you.