wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 12 (2016)

Track 9: LPC 12 Medley 2

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None: Hello?
SPEAKER_02: Hi, I'm up at the food bank.
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02: I'm supposed to ask if you can use a spork on turduck and...
SPEAKER_00: What's that?
SPEAKER_02: Which one?
SPEAKER_00: Who gave you my number?
SPEAKER_00: A volunteer?
SPEAKER_00: A volunteer?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
SPEAKER_00: Gave you a number.
SPEAKER_00: Ah, I think you got the wrong number.
SPEAKER_02: I'm down and dirty Rufus.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know who's down and dirty Rufus is.
SPEAKER_02: Will you make a cash donation, please?
SPEAKER_00: No. How do you all mean to make one now?
SPEAKER_02: I'm down-and-dirty Rufus.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know who's down-and-duty Rufus if.
SPEAKER_02: It's me.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know who you are.
SPEAKER_02: I'm telling you right here.
SPEAKER_03: NBS electronics.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you guys got pitch pipes up there?
SPEAKER_03: No, I don't sell that kind of stuff at all.
SPEAKER_02: It's for a guitar.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I understand what it is.
SPEAKER_03: This is an amp repair shop.
SPEAKER_03: I don't do that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_02: I play for Down and Dirty Rufus, and we got a gig coming.
SPEAKER_03: You know, if you think I don't recognize your voice.
SPEAKER_03: is you're barking up the wrong tree.
SPEAKER_03: So why don't you just stick it up your ass?
SPEAKER_02: It sounds like you're on a crack pipe.
SPEAKER_03: Fuck off.
SPEAKER_02: Hello?
SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's Carl. Hello.
SPEAKER_02: Carl.
SPEAKER_02: I'm a web designer. I just moved in here.
SPEAKER_06: Hey.
SPEAKER_06: Get the fuck out of your, Carl.
SPEAKER_06: Don't call me.
SPEAKER_02: Do me a big favor.
SPEAKER_02: Rub my back for a little while.
SPEAKER_02: It's real sore.
SPEAKER_02: Hello?
SPEAKER_02: Hi, I'm Shrobel from Zatarans, Rice.
SPEAKER_04: I have no idea who you are and what you want.
SPEAKER_04: You want to tell me?
SPEAKER_02: Zatarans, the rice cooker?
SPEAKER_02: I know nothing about it.
SPEAKER_02: Real spicy.
SPEAKER_04: Well, sorry, I'm not interested.
SPEAKER_02: But I have a note here to call you.
SPEAKER_04: You couldn't have a note to call me because I asked you to call me.
SPEAKER_02: Shlobo Nix?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
SPEAKER_02: That's my name.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
SPEAKER_02: Hello.
SPEAKER_04: Yes.
SPEAKER_04: There you go.
SPEAKER_04: That's the person you should be calling, I guess.
SPEAKER_02: I'm sort of a phenom when it comes to cooking.
SPEAKER_02: Am I in the right place?
SPEAKER_04: No, I didn't call you.
SPEAKER_04: So,
SPEAKER_04: Somebody's screwing around with the phones, I think.
SPEAKER_02: Is there some sort of flip that needs to happen?
SPEAKER_04: I have no idea.
SPEAKER_04: Somebody has managed to jerk the phone system around so that two or three people are called at the same time
SPEAKER_04: and are told that they were calling somebody else, and it just, I wish I could explain it to you,
SPEAKER_04: but somebody's having fun at our expense.
SPEAKER_02: Well, what do you have to say about Zadaran's?
SPEAKER_02: I don't know anything about it.
SPEAKER_02: It's a spicy concoction that's full of character.
SPEAKER_02: Well, I don't care.
SPEAKER_02: It's real flavorful.
SPEAKER_02: Hello, Salvadorian restaurant?
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Hi, I need your hoyo, hoyo.
SPEAKER_07: You need your place and order?
SPEAKER_01: I want your hoia hoi.
SPEAKER_07: My boyo yo.
SPEAKER_01: I grab your hoyo.
SPEAKER_07: Hi.
SPEAKER_07: I did you do this over Franco, huh?
SPEAKER_07: Tell me back when you're ready, okay?
SPEAKER_01: This is Franco.
SPEAKER_07: Frankl?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_07: Okay, why would you like to order?
SPEAKER_01: I want to touch your hoyo, hoya.
SPEAKER_07: Okay, you're just joking around.
SPEAKER_01: No, man.
SPEAKER_08: Yeah, we don't have that thing.
SPEAKER_08: You know what?
SPEAKER_08: You just come over and look at the manual,
SPEAKER_08: and point me in the mail,
SPEAKER_08: and the menu, what were you right?
SPEAKER_01: Why are you pulling my chain like this?
SPEAKER_08: Where do I put you a chain?
SPEAKER_01: Why would you do that?
SPEAKER_01: Because I don't understand what you want, buddy.
SPEAKER_01: Why don't you like it?
SPEAKER_01: I need your hoyo ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, man, how much does it cost?
SPEAKER_07: I don't know what you want.
SPEAKER_01: To grab your hoyo, hoyo.
SPEAKER_01: How much is it?
SPEAKER_01: Okay, call me back when you're ready, buddy.
SPEAKER_01: Do you have a liquid?
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm busy, though.
SPEAKER_01: I don't understand what you want.
SPEAKER_01: I let you get take-out.
SPEAKER_08: Dude, we're very busy, and you're just jerking around.
SPEAKER_08: I don't have time for you, okay?
SPEAKER_08: Give me what I want.
SPEAKER_08: Don't go back again.
SPEAKER_01: Tell me what I want to know.
SPEAKER_01: Give me your hoyo, hoyo.
SPEAKER_07: Hey, what can I do for you?
SPEAKER_06: We'll give you my dick, motherfucker.
SPEAKER_01: I want your hoyo.
SPEAKER_06: Some more.
SPEAKER_06: Motherfucker, okay?
SPEAKER_06: You know, you must be a son of a bitch that's calling me at 971-2-7-6-28-9.
SPEAKER_06: You're not a motherfucker.
SPEAKER_06: You don't give your name the way you want.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm calling from the United Negro College Fund.
SPEAKER_02: Looking for a month.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, well, you can take him and fuck off Obama and kick him up to your ass.
SPEAKER_06: I can.
SPEAKER_06: Numbers show another of our police line here, so what the hell do you want?
SPEAKER_02: What's the problem, my fella?
SPEAKER_06: That's your number traced here.
SPEAKER_06: 2133-0-9-5-8-4-9.
SPEAKER_06: What the fuck you want?
SPEAKER_02: I'm on a whoopee in the ass.
SPEAKER_06: I'm got a good for you.
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I'm looking to slap your mama for a rib.
SPEAKER_06: I got your number, Trash, 9-7-1-2-7-7-6-8-2-9, you son of a bitch.
SPEAKER_02: The hell you do.
SPEAKER_06: Hello?
SPEAKER_02: Hi, yeah.
SPEAKER_02: to slap your mama for a rib.
SPEAKER_06: You know, uh, you must be some son of a bitch and cock of a son of a bitch because I'm a
SPEAKER_06: police reporter and we've got your goddamn fucking number.
SPEAKER_02: Ah, must be.
SPEAKER_06: Hi, dear.
SPEAKER_02: Yes, sir. I'm just trying to slap your mama for a rib.
SPEAKER_06: You know, uh, you must be one of those six son of a bitches.
SPEAKER_06: You're airing your code now 213, 6179.6.1.6.7.
SPEAKER_06: 6.1.8, I'm turning it over to the Harvard division.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's so loud.
SPEAKER_06: Your telephone number is retrace. What do you want?
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to get a hold of your mama's rib.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah. Well, you're a sick motherfucker at 2133-0-0-0-085-9-9.
SPEAKER_06: Day 49, cossucker.
None: Hello.
SPEAKER_02: Hey, uh, is this the place with all the chihuahuas?
None: Yes, yes, it is.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, yeah, I might be interested in those as a Christmas gift.
SPEAKER_05: Sure.
SPEAKER_05: They're all these excellent shape.
SPEAKER_05: When I picked them up, because I picked them up a few years ago, I put them away.
SPEAKER_05: I never had to displayed them at all.
SPEAKER_05: So they're in excellent shape.
SPEAKER_05: You can still push them and tell they talk and that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_02: What do they say?
SPEAKER_05: There's a lot of things.
None: It says different things.
SPEAKER_05: The one that you remember, the one that says,
None: here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
None: He stopped into the lizard.
None: Remember that one?
None: Oh, sure.
None: And then the other one is
None: Christmas one.
SPEAKER_05: Oh, there's a whole bunch of,
SPEAKER_05: you know, they're 16 all together.
SPEAKER_02: Tell you what?
SPEAKER_02: Could you play one through the phone
SPEAKER_02: just so I could hear one,
SPEAKER_02: what it sounds like?
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, hang on, one second.
SPEAKER_05: Let me see if I can take them off.
SPEAKER_05: I haven't put away because
None: I knew for sure that I wasn't going
None: to keep on, so.
None: You know, but here's one.
None: I don't know what it's.
SPEAKER_05: But I'm going to put you right now, okay?
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
SPEAKER_05: Yo quito ban.
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yo quiro taco bells.
SPEAKER_05: You hear it?
SPEAKER_05: Yo quiro taco bells.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
SPEAKER_02: Can we hear another one?
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, let me see.
SPEAKER_05: This Christmas wants to see if this one works.
SPEAKER_05: That's a Christmas one.
SPEAKER_05: A couple of them don't see nothing anymore.
SPEAKER_05: Here's one.
SPEAKER_05: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05: I'm not sure what he's saying.
SPEAKER_05: Whatever you're supposed to be saying, you know?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
SPEAKER_05: But anyway, there's 16 of them all together.
None: Have a New Year, I'd be going.
None: Have a New Year.
SPEAKER_02: But anyway, that's what I got.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'd be interested in them.
SPEAKER_02: Especially since the new Pope said that dogs go to heaven.
SPEAKER_02: Did you hear about that at all?
SPEAKER_02: You want me to do what now?
SPEAKER_02: No, the Pope.
SPEAKER_02: You know the Pope?
None: Pope?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the new Pope.
SPEAKER_02: He just made an announcement that dogs go to heaven, which hasn't been said till now.
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's right.
SPEAKER_05: That's right.
SPEAKER_05: He did, didn't he.
SPEAKER_05: See, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_05: I didn't hear you.
None: You're absolutely right.
SPEAKER_02: So I wanted to get these chihuahuas going.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02: And if you got one that talks about Gorlupas or Tostadas.
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I've got one in there that says something about Gorbacas, I'm not sure what it is.
SPEAKER_05: Oh, here.
None: Hey, well, Gorbacca.
SPEAKER_02: Huh?
SPEAKER_05: I got to see, I haven't put away.
SPEAKER_05: my room this way.
SPEAKER_02: Hey, um, you know, I got a little bit of a toothache.
SPEAKER_02: Uh, so if I bought all these from you, do you have any pain pills that you could maybe share with me?
SPEAKER_05: No, I sure don't.
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_02: You got any rum or anything like that?
SPEAKER_02: Oh, no, no.
SPEAKER_02: Well, how about some Christmas cookies?
SPEAKER_05: Uh, well, how would a Christmas cookie help your tea?
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'd chew it on the other side of my mouth.
None: Ha, ha, ha.
SPEAKER_05: I don't even know what my wife has in the house. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_05: I would have to say no right now.
SPEAKER_02: Maybe you, um.
SPEAKER_02: want to go dancing, the three of us, you, your wife and I?
SPEAKER_05: No, no, that's not going to happen at all.
SPEAKER_05: If you want to buy the two hours or three or something for it, that's fine.
SPEAKER_05: Otherwise, the conversation is over.
SPEAKER_02: Are you sure you don't have any pain pills?
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely, I don't.
SPEAKER_02: Maybe in storage?
SPEAKER_05: No, I don't think so. Thank you very much for your call. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_02: Well, hey, are you sure you don't want to go dancing, the three of us?
SPEAKER_05: No, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_02: Why?
None: Because I don't.
SPEAKER_02: Maybe this weekend. We don't have to do it now.
SPEAKER_05: No, no. No.
SPEAKER_05: I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't very social, so let's just forget this conversation and call it quick.
SPEAKER_02: All right. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02: Well, can I talk to your wife?
SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, absolutely not.
SPEAKER_02: Why not?
None: Because that's it, no.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, come on, just for a minute.
SPEAKER_05: Bye-bye.