wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 11 (2014)

Track 4: LPC 11 Medley 1

SPEAKER_04: Hello, this is Nick.
SPEAKER_04: My name's Trinidad. I'm with UPS.
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
SPEAKER_04: I've been trying to do a delivery here since Friday, and no one's picked up or answered the doorbell.
SPEAKER_03: Your name is Trinidad.
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I'm here.
SPEAKER_04: This is on dry ice, and it's COD $88.28.28 here today.
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I think you might have the wrong address.
SPEAKER_04: This is Harry?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my name is Nick Harrington.
SPEAKER_04: There you go.
SPEAKER_03: You have something that's on ice?
SPEAKER_04: It's Tasmanian syrup on dry ice.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I don't know anything about that.
SPEAKER_04: I hear that all the time.
SPEAKER_04: So turn your stereo down and I'll turn around and come back.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, I mean, when are you going to be here?
SPEAKER_04: I'm going to be there when I get done eating lunch.
SPEAKER_04: And so I need a check prepared or a money order.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_03: No, this doesn't sound right to me.
SPEAKER_03: I didn't order any of this.
SPEAKER_03: I have no idea what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_04: You're hairy, right?
SPEAKER_03: No, I'm Nick.
SPEAKER_03: My last name is Harrington.
SPEAKER_04: Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_03: There I go what?
SPEAKER_03: Look, I've been working here for months now.
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_04: This is UPS. What appears to be the trouble up here?
SPEAKER_03: Hello, this is UPS?
SPEAKER_04: Can you talk to me about this a little bit now?
SPEAKER_04: Can you talk to me about it?
SPEAKER_03: What is this background repeating?
SPEAKER_03: What does that background sound that I'm hearing?
SPEAKER_03: My background?
SPEAKER_04: I'm a deliveryman.
SPEAKER_04: I'm a professional deliveryman.
SPEAKER_04: I've been here for about three and a half months,
SPEAKER_04: and I got a big tub of Tasmanian syrup
SPEAKER_04: that you ordered that I need payment for.
SPEAKER_04: I need it today.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, I didn't order that.
SPEAKER_03: So you've got to go in a different correct.
SPEAKER_04: What's your background?
SPEAKER_03: What?
SPEAKER_03: Hey, man, listen, stop calling me.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what the syrup thing you're talking about is,
SPEAKER_03: but I have no interest in having syrup.
SPEAKER_03: This is Harry.
SPEAKER_04: I'm a supervisor.
SPEAKER_04: here at UPS.
SPEAKER_04: You apparently had some trouble with our driver.
SPEAKER_04: What is your name, sir?
SPEAKER_04: Harry, I'm a supervisor here at United Parcel Service.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: If you're a supervisor at UPS,
SPEAKER_03: can you give me a contact number there
SPEAKER_03: that I could call to confirm that?
SPEAKER_03: Who's the manager here?
SPEAKER_03: You or me?
SPEAKER_03: Are you fucking kidding me right now?
SPEAKER_03: I've been out of town for a week.
SPEAKER_03: I never order any fucking syrup,
SPEAKER_03: and I don't appreciate you call me
SPEAKER_03: and tell me I have to have a check ready for you
SPEAKER_03: for something I didn't fucking order.
SPEAKER_04: Can I just ask you a question, sir?
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
SPEAKER_04: True or false?
SPEAKER_04: You're full of excuses.
SPEAKER_04: True or false.
SPEAKER_03: Because...
SPEAKER_03: It's so weird.
SPEAKER_03: Your name is Terry, and you work for UPS?
SPEAKER_03: Yes, it is.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
SPEAKER_03: And what location do you work for?
SPEAKER_04: I'm a veteran.
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I appreciate you being a veteran,
SPEAKER_03: but why don't you tell me
SPEAKER_03: what location you work for?
SPEAKER_04: I'm out of the Appalachian Division.
SPEAKER_04: I'm out of the Appalachian.
SPEAKER_04: I'm out of the Appalachian...
SPEAKER_04: So why don't you step up to the plate,
SPEAKER_04: quit horsing around,
SPEAKER_04: and cut a check to our driver when it comes back.
SPEAKER_03: Is this really how you call people telling them the shit?
SPEAKER_03: If you worked for UPS, you wouldn't talk to people like that.
SPEAKER_03: So this is just bullshit.
SPEAKER_04: I want you to put your dog away.
SPEAKER_04: I want you to turn your stereo off, and I want you to sit tight.
SPEAKER_03: I don't give a fuck what you want me to do.
SPEAKER_03: I don't want you to sit inside.
SPEAKER_03: All right, bro.
SPEAKER_03: Come on over.
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Come over and out.
SPEAKER_03: You want, hello?
SPEAKER_04: I'm Jack Maniaci.
SPEAKER_04: I'm a district manager.
SPEAKER_03: I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03: United Process Service.
SPEAKER_03: I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03: I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03: You've called me five.
SPEAKER_03: times now with a different name every single time.
SPEAKER_03: If you want to come to my house, try stepping on my property.
SPEAKER_03: Come to my house.
SPEAKER_03: This is my first time calling you.
SPEAKER_04: I don't know what you're referring to.
SPEAKER_03: I don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03: I've had three different names given to me from UPS.
SPEAKER_03: I think you're full of shit.
SPEAKER_03: Tell me about some Tasmanian here.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
SPEAKER_03: And then you're telling me I have to have a check cut for you
SPEAKER_03: when you come to my house, ask you things you can lunch.
SPEAKER_03: Come to my house, bro.
SPEAKER_04: Fucking come to my house.
SPEAKER_04: My name's Jack Maniaki.
SPEAKER_04: I'm not a driver.
SPEAKER_04: I'm a regional man.
SPEAKER_04: I don't care.
SPEAKER_04: Do you understand that?
SPEAKER_04: What is the fucking problem here?
SPEAKER_04: You've got a search charge.
SPEAKER_04: You've got a poor attitude.
SPEAKER_03: I've got a poor attitude, really.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
SPEAKER_03: Stop calling me.
SPEAKER_03: Stop calling me.
SPEAKER_04: Our driver has been out there four times.
SPEAKER_04: What would you call it?
SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
SPEAKER_03: I didn't order this stuff.
SPEAKER_03: You do your job?
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to do mine.
SPEAKER_03: Your driver's getting paid.
SPEAKER_03: Who will let the man get paid for driving around?
SPEAKER_03: I don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_03: I didn't order this fucking syrup.
SPEAKER_03: Stop calling me.
SPEAKER_04: I don't believe you, first of all.
SPEAKER_03: It doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_03: matter if you believe me or not.
SPEAKER_04: I see this kind of thing all the time.
SPEAKER_04: People change their mind.
SPEAKER_04: They bounce checks.
SPEAKER_03: I've been out of town for a week.
SPEAKER_03: I don't even eat Tasmania syrup.
SPEAKER_03: I use real Vermont
SPEAKER_03: maple syrup.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
SPEAKER_03: Stop calling me.
SPEAKER_04: Can I just ask you a question?
SPEAKER_04: Sure.
SPEAKER_04: True or false?
SPEAKER_04: You're full of excuses.
SPEAKER_04: True or false?
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, dude.
SPEAKER_03: Stop calling me.
SPEAKER_03: That's it.
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to report this for the police, all right?
SPEAKER_04: I'm going to send you to Tasmania
SPEAKER_04: and you could go to the source on this stuff.
SPEAKER_04: What do you say to that?
SPEAKER_04: Cool.
SPEAKER_04: Bring it to my house.
SPEAKER_04: I'll bring it.
SPEAKER_04: I'll bring it to your chin bone.
SPEAKER_04: What do you think of that?
SPEAKER_04: I'm going to send you to Tasmania.
SPEAKER_03: He said he's going to bring it to my chinbone.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
SPEAKER_04: I think you're bananas, fella.
SPEAKER_04: I really do.
SPEAKER_03: That's fine.
SPEAKER_03: You can take a bananas all you want.
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I don't really care if you want to come to my house and bring this fucking weird
SPEAKER_03: Tasmanian syrup here.
SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
SPEAKER_03: Come to my house, bro.
SPEAKER_04: Well, it's about time to start caring because we're trying to do our job here.
SPEAKER_03: I'm here.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know why you're still talking to me.
SPEAKER_03: telling you I'm here right now.
SPEAKER_01: If you want to go to my house, I'll deny the package.
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to whoop you in there.
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to whoop you in there.
SPEAKER_03: You're going to woo me, huh?
SPEAKER_03: All right.
SPEAKER_03: Well, if you have a package to deliver here, I'll just deny it.
SPEAKER_03: And that person delivering can continue to get paid.
SPEAKER_04: There's nothing to deny.
SPEAKER_04: You made the order and a discussion.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, so bring it to my house then if I did.
SPEAKER_03: Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03: Bring it.
SPEAKER_03: Fine.
SPEAKER_03: Who's full of excuses?
SPEAKER_03: You or me?
SPEAKER_03: Oh, my gosh, dude.
SPEAKER_03: This is a waste of my time.
SPEAKER_03: I have to go about my day.
SPEAKER_04: You're wasting our time.
SPEAKER_04: with these falsified orders that you're placing in Tasmania or wherever else you go.
SPEAKER_03: I just coming into town last night from being away for a week.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
SPEAKER_04: I hear that every day.
SPEAKER_04: Oh, I was here.
SPEAKER_04: I was there.
SPEAKER_04: I was everywhere else.
SPEAKER_04: But where you're supposed to be is answering the doorbell.
SPEAKER_04: You feel me?
SPEAKER_03: I was here.
SPEAKER_03: I was there.
SPEAKER_03: I was going to get around.
SPEAKER_03: No, I don't feel you, bro.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
SPEAKER_03: You just found like an ignorant, ignorant ass right now.
SPEAKER_03: Is that a matter of about it?
SPEAKER_03: It says he works for the United Postal Service.
SPEAKER_04: Who's ignorant?
SPEAKER_04: It's United Parcel Service, not Postal Service.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, sure.
SPEAKER_03: parcel service.
SPEAKER_03: Don't give a fuck.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what the fuck you want for me, but I have nothing to say to you.
SPEAKER_03: I'm not going to pay you.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know you.
SPEAKER_03: I didn't order this product.
SPEAKER_04: Who's ignorant?
SPEAKER_04: Me or you?
SPEAKER_04: Oh, my gosh.
SPEAKER_04: You can't even remember three words.
SPEAKER_04: Hello?
SPEAKER_04: Hi, this is Ricky.
SPEAKER_04: We've got a neighborhood coalition going.
SPEAKER_02: What are you doing?
SPEAKER_04: We're building a robotic arm, and we're trying to raise some funds here.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, does the robotic arm give hand jobs?
SPEAKER_04: Well, it does about 440 words per minute on the keyboard.
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04: It's a good way to start, I figured.
SPEAKER_04: So can we count on you for a pledge here?
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
SPEAKER_04: Hello?
SPEAKER_04: Miss, can we please put this together for the robotic arm?
SPEAKER_04: It types 440 words a minute.
SPEAKER_04: It's amazing.
SPEAKER_04: That's him playing.
SPEAKER_04: It's just an example of what this thing can do.
SPEAKER_04: He can do anything you want.
SPEAKER_02: Anything I want.
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
SPEAKER_02: Hello?
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I missed out on the credit card number there, Miss, for the donation.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to donate three boxes of cat shit to your project.
SPEAKER_04: Could you please be professional, ma'am?
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, yes.
SPEAKER_02: That is very professional.
SPEAKER_02: because I'll even deliver it to you.
SPEAKER_04: Are you on board?
SPEAKER_02: I told you I'm totally on board with your three boxes of catch-it, and I will deliver it to you.
SPEAKER_04: Well, that's not needed.
SPEAKER_04: We'll send a representative of a up, and you guys can dance.
SPEAKER_04: What do you think?
SPEAKER_02: I think I've got better shit to do.
SPEAKER_02: Bye.
SPEAKER_04: I doubt it.
SPEAKER_04: Hello.
SPEAKER_04: Hi, Jeremy?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_04: Hi, this is Bill Murray.
SPEAKER_04: How are you?
SPEAKER_00: Bill.
SPEAKER_00: It's good to hear your voice.
SPEAKER_04: voice. Same here. I'm in Chicago. I have a place in California. I got your number from
SPEAKER_04: Matt Dillon. And I got a charity event coming up, and I wanted to invite you down.
SPEAKER_01: Well, unfortunately, this isn't, Bill, and I wish it was. Oh, I am. I wish I wasn't sometimes,
SPEAKER_04: but it's for the society, for prevention of cruelty to animals. I have a giant boxing ring
SPEAKER_04: that I've built. It's right off Mulholland Drive, and it's me, you, you,
SPEAKER_04: Chris Elliott, and we just get in there, beat the hell out of each other, and raise some money.
SPEAKER_01: I think it's a great idea, man.
SPEAKER_01: You know, why don't you pencil me in for the 12th of Never?
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04: We've also got Cindy Lopper and Blythe Danner.
SPEAKER_04: They're going to get in there and just beat the hell out of each other.
SPEAKER_04: Raise a few dollars.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's great.
SPEAKER_00: Hold on a second, and then you're going to give me that minute and 18 seconds, bye.
SPEAKER_00: Cobraside.
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, man.
SPEAKER_04: You guys got any stencils up there?
SPEAKER_04: This is your neighbor. We got a band Tweek Deacon, and we're just trying to stencil it out.
SPEAKER_00: I don't. It's not ringing any bells, to be honest.
SPEAKER_04: Do you have, like, $10, $15? We get somebody else to make a stencil for us?
SPEAKER_00: I'm not following this conversation at all. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_04: Well, Tweek Deakin is our band. We're named after that one. He's all gacked out, but it's okay. It's a cool name, and it's too good not to be stenciled, so...
SPEAKER_04: I don't know what to do.
SPEAKER_04: Do you maybe want to hear us for a second first?
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what the call is about, but you're not making any sense to me, and I'm really not interested.
SPEAKER_04: We're really trying to put a stencil together.
SPEAKER_00: I don't understand what you're calling us for. We're a music distributor. I don't know what you mean by a stencil. We don't make stencil.
SPEAKER_04: We're a new band. Let's just come up there and we'll try to see what we can put together. Does that sound good?
SPEAKER_00: I'm not interested. I'm not following the story. I'm not interested. We're a music distributor. We're not a stencil maker.
SPEAKER_04: Tweet Deacon. Do you like the name, at least?
SPEAKER_04: Is this a joke?
SPEAKER_01: I'm confused.
SPEAKER_01: Crime, yes. What kind of do for you?
SPEAKER_04: Yes, sir. This is Detective Flanagan, the San Clemente Police Department.
SPEAKER_04: What seems to be the trouble here today?
SPEAKER_01: Let me hit a trace on the number.
SPEAKER_01: On our number? What number you call on the end on?
SPEAKER_04: I'm calling from the San Clemente Police Department, sir.
SPEAKER_01: I don't care. What's the telephone number you calling me on?
SPEAKER_04: It's a private line, sir, for the police department.
SPEAKER_01: Look, you can play all the fucking games you want because you're stupid.
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm a police news reporter and all we do, we got the same thing to Harbor Division.
SPEAKER_01: Your numbers call in is 213-1170, so stick it.