stretchie

Longmont Potion Castle 12 (2016)

Track 20: Alaska Shakes

Runtime: 335 seconds

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Aliases: Chaplain Schumacher

Frank Lopez: Hello.
LPC: Hello, this is Schumacher. How are you doing?
Frank Lopez: Yep, Frank Lopez in Alaska.
LPC: Okay.
Frank Lopez: I'm looking for a co-driver to share expenses with from Alaska, Colorado.
LPC: Good deal. I could accompany on your trek.
Frank Lopez: Okay, let me break down some information here.
Frank Lopez: What's your name?
LPC: Chaplain Schumacher.
Frank Lopez: Chaplain, Schumacher.
Frank Lopez: Are you a minister?
LPC: I'm just trucking up.
LPC: Rebar.
Frank Lopez: What is that?
LPC: Construction material.
Frank Lopez: Oh, okay.
Frank Lopez: Not everybody knows what rebar is.
Frank Lopez: So you're driving your own rig? Is that it?
LPC: Are you a big drinker there?
Frank Lopez: I'm not a drinker at all.
LPC: Okay.
Frank Lopez: What I'm trying to follow here is that you're going to be trucking rebar up here.
Frank Lopez: Does that mean you have your own rig?
Frank Lopez: Because I've got a Subaru station like you.
LPC: I'm 6'4.11.
LPC: A size 17 and a half sock.
Frank Lopez: Well, I'm 5'10, you know, so.
LPC: Oh, I'm going to stretch you out, Guy.
Frank Lopez: Excuse me?
LPC: So how much can I expect to make here, monetarily?
Frank Lopez: You?
Frank Lopez: Making?
Frank Lopez: No, I'm not paying for a driver.
Frank Lopez: A driver is to go out of Alaska with me,
Frank Lopez: have their own money to stay at motels or whatever
Frank Lopez: and help share with gas.
LPC: I need a bus.
LPC: per diem at the very least.
Frank Lopez: I'm not looking to hire a driver because it's going to be expensive enough.
Frank Lopez: Read my ad again.
LPC: I'm drafting an invoice right now to send to you.
Frank Lopez: No, the whole point is to share expenses.
LPC: Listen, what kind of mileage you get on this thing?
Frank Lopez: On my Subaru?
Frank Lopez: 16 to 18.
LPC: What's all that noise up there?
Frank Lopez: I don't know. The noise is on your end.
Frank Lopez: Okay, I got a
LPC: mechanic. He's going to come out there and take a look.
Frank Lopez: I have my car checked out. I've maintained this car. I've got every maintenance record,
Frank Lopez: everything that's been done to this car.
Alex Trebek: Hello?
Frank Lopez: Okay, and I just had it move oil and filtered, and it'll get a tune-up, whether it needs it or not.
Frank Lopez: It's going to get a tune-up, another oil and filter change.
Alex Trebek: Hello?
Frank Lopez: Hello?
Alex Trebek: Yes.
Frank Lopez: I don't know who's good. I didn't dial anybody. We're getting all kinds of calls.
Alex Trebek: cross stuff. Yeah, me too. So, somebody's screwing with the phones. Okay, we'll just
LPC: have to deal with it. All right. So, we're going to get a mechanic out there and check it out.
Frank Lopez: You're going to get a mechanic from Anchorage to check out my car, and you expect to be paid.
Frank Lopez: No, I'm not the mechanic, sir. No, but you expect to be paid.
LPC: Well, hey, I got a good buddy of mine. He's a certified Suburu mechanic. It's not okay?
Frank Lopez: We're getting cross-referenced here on phone calls.
Frank Lopez: You must be getting calls coming in on you.
Alex Trebek: Yep.
Frank Lopez: Okay.
Alex Trebek: So nothing we can do about it.
Alex Trebek: I've talked to the phone company about it.
Alex Trebek: They can't do anything about it either.
Frank Lopez: Somebody's figured a way to cross-
Frank Lopez: No, I'm talking to somebody, and you're dialing in.
Frank Lopez: No, I'm in Alaska.
Frank Lopez: I'm in Alaska, and I'm talking to somebody in Colorado.
Alex Trebek: Well, I'm in California.
Alex Trebek: So we just have to bear with it.
Frank Lopez: Still there?
LPC: Well, hello.
Frank Lopez: You can have your mechanic call me, but I can't pay you, so you understand that.
LPC: Yes, sir.
Frank Lopez: Okay, that means I cannot pay anybody.
Frank Lopez: If you're willing to share expenses, I'll have your mechanic look at it.
LPC: Good deal, good deal.
Frank Lopez: We've got to stop this.
Alex Trebek: You just rang me again, guys.
Frank Lopez: I did not ring you.
LPC: Okay.
Frank Lopez: Okay, just have your mechanic.
Frank Lopez: Give me a call.
Frank Lopez: You got my number already listed on the ad.
LPC: And what's this about getting payment?
LPC: Have you got payment drafted?
Frank Lopez: I cannot pay you.
Frank Lopez: I cannot pay you.
Frank Lopez: I'm looking for somebody to share expenses from Alaska to Colorado or anywhere in between.
LPC: How much money do you need?
Frank Lopez: Oh, we got to end this.
LPC: How much do you need?
Frank Lopez: You should be ready for your own expenses as well.
Frank Lopez: I'm not driving all the way through.
Frank Lopez: I'm stopping at a motel at least two times.
Frank Lopez: It's three days through Canada.
Frank Lopez: So it's going to take a couple of motel rooms for you and for me.
Frank Lopez: And I don't know, sharing of gas, whatever the gas costs are.
Frank Lopez: I would say 500 bucks.
LPC: And then minus what you pay me, correct?
Frank Lopez: I'm not going to pay you anything.
Frank Lopez: I can't afford to pay anybody anything.
Frank Lopez: Don't call me again.
LPC: It's $500.
Frank Lopez: It's not going to work out.
Frank Lopez: You have to have the cash in your pocket to share expenses and to have for your meals and so forth.
Frank Lopez: I am eating on shakes, meal replacement shakes.
Frank Lopez: So that's going to be my meals.
Frank Lopez: You know, I might have a meal every other day or something.
Frank Lopez: I don't get paid, and I'm not paying anybody.
LPC: How do I get the money to you?
Frank Lopez: No, no.
Frank Lopez: Just keeps getting interrupted.
LPC: It's okay.
Frank Lopez: No, it's not okay.
Frank Lopez: Somebody else keeps interrupting.
Frank Lopez: Look, this is not going to work out, I said before, so let's forget it.
Frank Lopez: Don't call me again.