wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 14 (2017)

Track 3: Historical Hair 2

SPEAKER_04: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Hello.
SPEAKER_00: Leo, please.
SPEAKER_00: Who's calling?
SPEAKER_00: This is Farnie with United Parsal Service.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to count United Parsal Service.
SPEAKER_00: All right.
SPEAKER_00: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
SPEAKER_00: Yes, ma'am, you've got a parcel from historical hair here with UPS.
SPEAKER_03: Stop calling.
SPEAKER_00: Now, can we get this settled up here?
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to take this number and report it.
SPEAKER_03: Now, stop.
SPEAKER_00: Just read us the call.
SPEAKER_03: No UPS account.
SPEAKER_03: Balance.
SPEAKER_00: The credit card number and we'll take care over here today.
SPEAKER_03: Don't, yeah, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm going to give you my credit number.
SPEAKER_03: You're an idiot.
SPEAKER_00: You're a routing number, okay?
SPEAKER_00: Just read it to me slowly, and we'll take care of it here today.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, right, all right.
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Miss, yeah, you've got a small balance here with historical hair.
SPEAKER_03: You know what?
SPEAKER_03: How many times are you going to call and from how many different numbers?
SPEAKER_00: We need a credit card number today.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and that's all?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would, yeah, I, what do you think I'm stupid?
SPEAKER_00: Well, no, you, you order.
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm going to give you a, we never ordered anything from that place.
SPEAKER_00: Historical hair.
SPEAKER_00: That's the name of the company.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: I never heard of that company before.
SPEAKER_00: Which one?
SPEAKER_03: Whatever you're saying, historical, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_00: Historical hair. You've got to admit you've got hair on your head, right?
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you are, this is, all right, I'm reporting all these numbers that you've called.
SPEAKER_00: Just read.
SPEAKER_00: the routing number.
SPEAKER_00: Just read it to me.
SPEAKER_03: What, you're a...
SPEAKER_00: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00: Calling on behalf of UPS, I'm an accountant up here, and you've got a small balance, $178 balance from
SPEAKER_00: historical hair.com, okay?
SPEAKER_00: So if we can just settle payment up today, then we'll be squared away, okay?
SPEAKER_05: Well, I don't think so.
SPEAKER_05: If you got something, send out a bill.
SPEAKER_05: Because after I get the bill, I'm turning it over to my attorney.
SPEAKER_05: I'm contacting the state police, and I'm turning all this information over to them.
SPEAKER_05: Because you guys are running a scam.
SPEAKER_05: I'm sick and tired of it.
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean there?
SPEAKER_05: If you got, if he...
SPEAKER_00: A scam?
SPEAKER_05: Look, you call from three different numbers from three different places.
SPEAKER_00: Wow, wow, wow, wow.
SPEAKER_00: I don't follow you there.
SPEAKER_00: You have a small balance from historical.
SPEAKER_00: hair.
SPEAKER_00: End a paragraph, okay?
SPEAKER_05: Kiss my historical hair.
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to do my job, sir, and you're really making that...
SPEAKER_05: Well, well, you, you ain't got a job.
SPEAKER_05: Your job is nothing but scamming people.
SPEAKER_00: Listen, just read me the credit card number and we'll work it out, okay?
SPEAKER_00: Just read it to me slowly, okay?
SPEAKER_05: No, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, what?
SPEAKER_05: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: This is Cindy with United Parcel Service.
SPEAKER_00: Sir, you've got a package here from historical hair we're trying to deliver and receive payment on,
SPEAKER_00: and apparently you've had a problem with our driver of some kind?
SPEAKER_00: Can we work this out today, please, sir?
SPEAKER_04: What do you want?
SPEAKER_00: We need a credit card number and a good time to deliver from you, okay?
SPEAKER_00: Can we work something through?
SPEAKER_05: Now, what company is this from?
SPEAKER_00: I'm with UPS.
SPEAKER_00: The parcel you ordered is from historical hair.
SPEAKER_05: What does that UPS stand for?
SPEAKER_05: UPS?
SPEAKER_05: What's that stand for?
SPEAKER_00: Whatever scan you're trying to run,
SPEAKER_00: we don't stand for that, I can guarantee you.
SPEAKER_00: United Parcel Service.
SPEAKER_05: Oh, well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_05: It sounds like you work for...
SPEAKER_05: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: What's that now?
SPEAKER_05: You keep putting...
SPEAKER_05: this crap on my phone.
SPEAKER_05: You won't talk to me.
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about you plain English right here, loud and clear.
SPEAKER_00: What is your concerns, sir?
SPEAKER_00: Why can't you pay for your item that you ordered?
SPEAKER_00: Historical hair?
SPEAKER_05: First of all, I didn't order anything.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, no?
SPEAKER_05: Now, I don't know if there's a mistake with this company,
SPEAKER_05: but I never received the tracking number.
SPEAKER_05: Send me the tracking number.
SPEAKER_05: Let me see what's going on with this.
SPEAKER_05: And you guys refuse to do that.
SPEAKER_05: Now, if this was you know,
SPEAKER_05: not at Postal Service, like you're telling me,
SPEAKER_05: they would supply me with a tracking number.
SPEAKER_05: And you're not.
SPEAKER_00: Postal Service, not Postal Service.
SPEAKER_00: So get that straight.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_05: Well, let's get this straight.
SPEAKER_05: UPS, the me, stands for useless piece of shit.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
SPEAKER_05: Well, I want you to understand it.
SPEAKER_05: That's what I said.
SPEAKER_05: Useless piece of shit.
SPEAKER_05: You have a problem with that?
SPEAKER_05: If you have a problem,
SPEAKER_05: with that, don't call me anymore.
SPEAKER_05: Do you understand that, you fucking asshole?
SPEAKER_00: This is a scam.
SPEAKER_05: I'm tired of your fucking shit.
SPEAKER_00: You got a fraud game going up there.
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you sure do, asshole.
SPEAKER_00: Look, we need you to pay for your parcel.
SPEAKER_00: End a story.
SPEAKER_05: I ain't paying for crap.
SPEAKER_05: I didn't order anything.
SPEAKER_05: Now, if you have a statement, send me a bill.
SPEAKER_05: I told this asshole that called last time,
SPEAKER_05: send me a fucking statement because I'm turning it over to my attorney.
SPEAKER_05: Because the next time I get a phone call from you assholes,
SPEAKER_05: I'm writing the fucking number down,
SPEAKER_05: and I'm reporting you to Homeland fucking security.
SPEAKER_05: You understand that asshole?
SPEAKER_00: Historical hair.
SPEAKER_00: Historical hair is the company you ordered from.
SPEAKER_00: You got it?
SPEAKER_05: Then deliver my baggage, asshole.
SPEAKER_00: Not till we get a credit card number, sir, no, sir.
SPEAKER_05: Well, then go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Until we get a credit card number, number, sir, no sir.
SPEAKER_05: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Becky with United Parcel Service.
SPEAKER_00: Is Leo there, sir?
SPEAKER_00: We've got a parcel here for you.
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to resolve this package delivery with you.
SPEAKER_05: Delivered a package.
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking at a past due, and we need a routing number today, and we'll get that delivered.
SPEAKER_04: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_05: Delivered a package, and I'll pay you when you bring it.
SPEAKER_05: Supposedly that's what you're telling me.
SPEAKER_05: It's COD.
SPEAKER_05: delivered a package, and I'll give you money.
SPEAKER_00: Or a little past that, sir.
SPEAKER_05: Well, then you got, you got problems.
SPEAKER_05: Take it up with your historical hair, people.
SPEAKER_05: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is Dick with UPS.
SPEAKER_01: What appears to be the trouble up here, sir?
SPEAKER_05: Ah, you're a useless piece of shit guy, huh?
SPEAKER_01: Sir, we're in need of a payment today to resolve your past due on your account.
SPEAKER_05: You're breaking up, I can't hear you.
SPEAKER_01: You've got a parcel here on our dock from historicalair.com, and we're trying to get a past deal result today, sir.
SPEAKER_01: What appears to be the trouble today? I'm an administrator up there.
SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm dealing with a company called Useless piece of ship.
SPEAKER_01: Sir, would you please be professional? Okay.
SPEAKER_05: You're not.
SPEAKER_01: Well, after 14 months on the job, I'm not professional, huh?
SPEAKER_01: You talk to our driver and you talk to our other representatives, and you've got an issue of some kind.
SPEAKER_01: That's why I'm phoning you.
SPEAKER_01: What's your concern today, sir?
SPEAKER_05: Well, how come when the delivery man was here the other day, he said nothing about this?
SPEAKER_00: I don't know who you're referring to, sir.
SPEAKER_05: All right. I'm calling the United Postal Service. I'm reporting you to them that you're running a scam.
SPEAKER_00: It's United Parcel Service, sir. It's the same problem we had last time.
SPEAKER_05: Deliver the package, then. If you got a package for me, delivered a package.
SPEAKER_01: Read the credit.
SPEAKER_01: card number and the expiration date will be there within the hour.
SPEAKER_05: No, you come out to my house first and I'll give it to you then. I ain't giving you no number over the phone.
SPEAKER_05: You're going to have to send me out a statement. Send me a bill.
SPEAKER_01: That's a little past that. We sent two statements.
SPEAKER_05: Well, you haven't sent me shit, asshole. Send me, send me a statement so I can turn it over to my attorney.
SPEAKER_01: Just read the number slowly.
SPEAKER_05: You want the number? 1-800 kiss my ass.
SPEAKER_00: HistoricalHare.com. That doesn't ring a bell, huh?
SPEAKER_05: I never heard of that company before in my life.
SPEAKER_00: I hear that all the time. Oh, I change my mind. I don't know.
SPEAKER_05: Well, then, I guess you run the scam on a lot of people then, huh?
SPEAKER_00: And let's be for your wife, sir. Now, let me talk to your wife and we'll resolve this with her credit card.
SPEAKER_05: Why do you have to talk to somebody else?
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was a Christmas gift. You don't know anything about it.
SPEAKER_05: Hey, well, I'll tell you this. I think the longer I'm able to keep you on the phones, the less time you got to fuck with someone.
SPEAKER_05: somebody else. So, come on. Let's carry on this conversation.
SPEAKER_01: Now, read me the credit card number. This is the last time I'm going to ask you, read it to me slowly,
SPEAKER_05: and we'll credit your money. And then, what if I don't? Then what are you going to do?
SPEAKER_05: Why don't you come over here, deliver my package so I can kick you into fucking balls?
SPEAKER_01: I'm an administrator, not a truck driver.
SPEAKER_05: Well, still, come on over to my house so I can kick you in the fucking balls.
SPEAKER_01: You're running a fraud game. That's all you're doing.
SPEAKER_05: No, I ain't running no fraud game.
SPEAKER_05: I'm just telling you, come over to my house where I can kick you in the balls.
SPEAKER_05: You got the address?
SPEAKER_05: Suppose you're supposed to make a delivery.
SPEAKER_05: Stop by the house, I'll kick in the balls, and I'll give you a check.
SPEAKER_05: How's that sound?
SPEAKER_05: Stop by my house, let me kick you in the balls.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to transfer you to my manager, sir. I can't get through here.
SPEAKER_02: Sure.
SPEAKER_02: What can I do for you?
SPEAKER_02: Well, speak English.
SPEAKER_02: Who do you work for?
SPEAKER_02: Who do you work for? Who the hell wants to know.
SPEAKER_02: I think I know that voice.
SPEAKER_05: I got somebody calling me from saying they're from UPS, this useless piece of shit company.
SPEAKER_05: They want money.
SPEAKER_05: I tell them to come by and pick it up and I'll kick them in the balls, and they don't want to come over here.
SPEAKER_02: I don't even know who I'm talking to.
SPEAKER_05: Don't bother coming out to my house anymore.
SPEAKER_05: Don't bother calling me.
SPEAKER_02: Who the hell are you?
SPEAKER_02: I don't come out to your house.
SPEAKER_05: You're shaming your name.
SPEAKER_05: Well, your driver's supposed to come out here and make a delivery.
SPEAKER_05: You haven't made a delivery.
SPEAKER_02: What's your name?
SPEAKER_02: You sound like Willie.
SPEAKER_02: What's your name?
SPEAKER_02: Mine's Arthur Schaffner, period.
SPEAKER_02: Well, Mr. Period.
SPEAKER_02: Maybe you've got the wrong telephone number here.
SPEAKER_02: What number have you got?
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm a news reporter, and it's coming in on my police line.
SPEAKER_02: That's your number, but I couldn't call it back.
SPEAKER_02: 513-359-1-1-1-70, and dapper says there's no such number.
SPEAKER_02: Now, who am I talking to?
SPEAKER_02: It sounds like my son, Willie.
SPEAKER_02: Now, somebody transferred me over to you saying that they're with this UPS company,
SPEAKER_02: and they got some kind of delivery for me.
SPEAKER_02: You know, whoever you're talking, I'm not ashamed to give you my name.
SPEAKER_02: I'm 86 years old, been in the law, 58 years, and I got a son named Willie.
SPEAKER_02: The other one is dead, me and Robbie was just talking about it.
SPEAKER_02: So I, once in a while, too, dial a number, and then,
SPEAKER_02: I try to dial your number back, and the operator comes in right away,
SPEAKER_02: and there is not such a number because they know I'm going into the hospital next week
SPEAKER_02: because I got wounded.
SPEAKER_02: And who am I talking to?
SPEAKER_02: Are you ashamed to give me your name?
SPEAKER_02: Hello?
SPEAKER_05: No, not really, but I just don't know what kind of scam.
SPEAKER_05: These guys are running.
SPEAKER_02: Look, now you're still blaming me for something that I don't even know you.
SPEAKER_02: I don't know your telephone number.
SPEAKER_02: What do?
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's fine.
SPEAKER_02: hang up? Huh?
SPEAKER_02: You must have dialed wrong, fella.
SPEAKER_02: I guess so.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because, hey, operator, when I dial that number, she says there is no such number because
SPEAKER_02: you're coming in on, I am the biggest reporter in the United States for police hall of fame,
SPEAKER_02: police magazine, and you're coming in on our hotline here.
SPEAKER_02: The 1-9-19-1-9 is the hotline, and I run like hell to answer it, and then I'll hang up,
SPEAKER_02: So I push a button here, I push a button right now, trace that number.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, they're tracing that number to 5-13-359-1170.
SPEAKER_02: Is that your telephone number, or did you dialed wrong?
SPEAKER_02: Hello?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
SPEAKER_02: Yes?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I just give him that number.
SPEAKER_02: No, my phone just rang.
SPEAKER_02: My phone just rang and I picked up.
SPEAKER_02: So somebody's screwing with the telephone.
SPEAKER_02: phone lines. They do. Is that what it is? Because whoever got me on the phone's eating my ass,
SPEAKER_02: hey, he's calling in on the hotline.