Track 7: Historical Hair

• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, hello.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is Juan Friend with United Parcel Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We've been trying to come through, sir, for several days, and no one answered the door.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I mean, there's somebody home.
  
• SPEAKER_04: We're probably out and back.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, and back, huh?
  
• SPEAKER_01: So you guys don't have a functional doorbell?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's a good time, sir, to come by?
  
• SPEAKER_01: This will be the third attempt, now.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Are you in the area today?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I am on McCarty Road currently.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got seven or eight stops.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I could be there between 8 and 9 p.m.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Sure.
  
• SPEAKER_04: This is UPS?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Juan Friend is my name.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm a driver.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's from historical hair, the parcel.
  
• SPEAKER_04: And what's the address you have?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Historical hair.
  
• SPEAKER_01: They do period piece wigs from all different points in time.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I never ordered nothing.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I deliver for them all the time, actually.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're not much of a history buff,
  
• SPEAKER_01: but they do all kinds of historical wigs and all kinds of things.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you're going to be there about 9, 10 p.m.?
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, I'm not.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're not now.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't know who you are.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't know who you are.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What seems to be the troubaloper?
  
• SPEAKER_04: What was that?
  
• SPEAKER_01: This will be our fourth attest.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Temp, sir. We're trying to get this delivered for you.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Uh, let me, uh, is this a good number to call you at?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm behind the steering wheel right now, guy.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to help you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: This is actually my day off. Our driver's sick today, so I had to lend a hand.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You know something?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's up?
  
• SPEAKER_04: Uh, why don't you take one hand off the wheel?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_04: And shove a finger up your ass.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, historical hair. They're friends of mine.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I don't give a shit.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm turning you.
  
• SPEAKER_04: your number over to the state police.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Hey, Guy, Leo, is it?
  
• SPEAKER_04: No, no.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_04: You understand me?
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm giving this number.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm calling the state police as soon as I get done talking to you, and I'm giving them your number.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
  
• SPEAKER_01: About history, if you don't know anything about history, you wouldn't know historic hair.
  
• SPEAKER_01: They do all kinds of wigs and powdered wigs.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's real neat.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Why don't you check it out instead of so unprofessional.
  
• SPEAKER_04: No.
  
• SPEAKER_04: You're unprofessional.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Hey, hey, hey, go.
  
• SPEAKER_04: fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're unprofessional.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You're unprofessional. Am I understood?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm Brent Friend. I'm a statewide manager, UPS.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Well, this is somebody else now.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We have a package from historical hair for you. We're trying to deliver today.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What's the problem up there, sir?
  
• SPEAKER_04: What's your problem? What? No, UPS, when they come here, they drop a tag off in the door
  
• SPEAKER_04: if there's nobody home. Now, I don't know what kind of scam you're running. I told you're
  
• SPEAKER_04: and I'm going to turn these numbers over to the state police.
  
• SPEAKER_04: What?
  
• SPEAKER_04: What?
  
• SPEAKER_01: We have historical hair, a parcel of historic wigs that you ordered.
  
• SPEAKER_04: No, I didn't order nothing.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Let me talk to your supervisor.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, one moment.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Who is this?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What's your name?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_03: If you don't know my name, you wouldn't be calling here.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Planet, I don't let you speak up you.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Frank.
  
• SPEAKER_04: You show up at my house.
  
• SPEAKER_04: I'm calling the police department.
  
• SPEAKER_04: Do you understand that?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hi.
  
• SPEAKER_01: My name's Juan Friend.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got a lot of historical hair, wigs, civil war, all kinds of period pieces I'm trying to get rid of.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you'd have to call up the punch off.
  
• SPEAKER_05: We can probably schedule it for it.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, nice.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got a 20-foot long wig, actually.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It was meant for like a crystal gale type.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, what's the big idea, bro?
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, dude, you know, you know, I'm with my kids right now.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm with my kids.
  
• SPEAKER_01: We're going to work?
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, so obviously, obviously, you, how old are you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Me?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm 22, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_05: So, do you live with your parents?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I live with my great-grandmother.
  
• SPEAKER_01: She's 109.
  
• SPEAKER_01: She's 100. She's 100. She's how old she is. She has. She turned me on to some of this wig stuff.
  
• SPEAKER_01: She gave me a 20-foot wig, a civil war wig.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, so this is what you do with your life.
  
• SPEAKER_05: So obviously you don't have a job either.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't wear wigs. I'm trying to sell them. I guess you're so.
  
• SPEAKER_05: So you don't have a job, okay, and you prank phone call people and think it's funny when you're 22 years old.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, I'm just saying, dude, do you see a problem with that?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I need money.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I need these wig sold like yesterday.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, so you really, I mean, do it.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I mean, just think about it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I mean, think about how really super cool you're acting right now.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm like, I mean, how, I mean, it's so cool that you can frank phone call somebody and be funny.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, how, well, how, you know what I mean, dude?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know what I mean, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, you know what you're acting?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I mean, how much can I expect to make here monetarily?
  
• SPEAKER_05: You know, dude, I mean, it's, um, obviously you got a lot of growing up to do.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I mean, really, dude, I mean, sit back and look at your life.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Right now, you probably have to be trying out to get a job or something like that.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Crystal Gale, I mean, there's some Crystal Gale Halloween fanatics out there.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'd love this.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Well, no, think about it, dude.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Think about it.
  
• SPEAKER_05: You're 22 years old and you're trying to make a prank phone call.
  
• SPEAKER_05: to sound cool.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got wigs up to ying yang guy.
  
• SPEAKER_01: That's what you don't seem to comprehend here.
  
• SPEAKER_05: No, I completely comprehend.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I understand that you're a young guy who has probably grown up without a father or something
  
• SPEAKER_05: like that because you have, you know, he would have probably taught you this was, this was a stupid
  
• SPEAKER_05: thing to do.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Oh, I see what you're saying.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_05: It's not cool, really, to call up people and fuck with their lives.
  
• SPEAKER_05: You know, it's not.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Do you want to talk to my grandmother?
  
• SPEAKER_05: I'm going to, I'm going to my young.
  
• SPEAKER_05: young kids and my grandkids right now.
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_05: And you're calling me up and wanting to make a joke out of your day over me.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got historical hair.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I've got 20-foot wigs.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got everything you need.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I got everything you need.
  
• SPEAKER_05: So, so what?
  
• SPEAKER_05: Okay, I just want to, so what does this do for you?
  
• SPEAKER_05: I want to know.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm looking to make some money today.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I need it like yesterday.
  
• SPEAKER_05: No, no, I want to know what this does for you.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't wear.
  
• SPEAKER_05: I don't wear.
  
• SPEAKER_01: What does it do for you, dude?
  
• SPEAKER_05: What does it do for you?
  
• SPEAKER_05: for you? What does it do for you? What does it do for you? What does it do for you?
  
• SPEAKER_05: So you can't even answer the question. Because you're just an immature kid who probably grew up without a dad and
  
• SPEAKER_05: what does it do? And you're just, you're lost in the world. Okay, so dude, my suggestion is, dude,
  
• SPEAKER_05: go get a job and then maybe, maybe get an apartment.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hello?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is Brent, United Parson Service.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to schedule a delivery up, bro.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What kind of delivery?
  
• SPEAKER_01: From historical hair.
  
• SPEAKER_01: They got all kinds of wigs from the Civil War, this era, that, or all kinds of different wigs.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't want none of them wig. What do I want a wig for?
  
• SPEAKER_03: I never purchased it's a wig?
  
• SPEAKER_01: Yes, you did.
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, I didn't.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm in the truck. I'm on my way up right now.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Come on up, but I didn't purchase no wig.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, it's COD.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, it's COD.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, I ain't got no cash.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I've had this call a million times.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm out working on my hot rod.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'll be right in the driveway.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, just give me the credit card number.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I ain't giving you no credit card number.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You must think I'm stupid.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Hey, that's none of my business.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you order wigs or figs or twigs, I don't care what you order.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So don't even bring her up, because I ain't giving you no credit card number, no nothing.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not coming up there without a credit card payment.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Just read it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: to me now.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, dash.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, dash.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Ron, just give me what I need.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Give me the information I need.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Ah, I'm giving you nothing, and I don't need no wig or whatever you're bringing up.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Figs or whatever it is.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I didn't order it.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Historic hair.
  
• SPEAKER_01: They got wigs from the Civil War, the Elisa, Beacon.
  
• SPEAKER_01: They're, they got wigs from everywhere, everywhere.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Give me the information that I need.
  
• SPEAKER_01: I need the long number for your credit card, and then I'll be up there with your merchandise, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_01: I don't want.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Okay?
  
• SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Why are you causing problems for me?
  
• SPEAKER_03: I've never ordered nothing.
  
• SPEAKER_01: For you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: For you?
  
• SPEAKER_01: What do you mean for you?
  
• SPEAKER_03: You.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Keep that wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig, wig.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Goodbye.