Track 13: Hardware Store

• SPEAKER_03: Fire punch hardware.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I got a hasp from you guys, and the thing snapped off,
  
• SPEAKER_00: and I'm hearing a crackle every time I use my pulley.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay, a hash, that's for a lock.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm not so what a pulley would have anything to do with it.
  
• SPEAKER_03: The only thing I can tell you to do is bring it in and go from there.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Other than that, I have no other idea how to help.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, I hooked a pulley up to try to jerry-rig the thing.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I have no idea.
  
• SPEAKER_03: A hasp is for a lock.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, it's multi-purpose is what the science said, and that's what my understanding was.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I put a pulley on there, and I affixed a bracket on there, right?
  
• SPEAKER_03: As far as I know, hash is what you would put on a door or a locket.
  
• SPEAKER_03: But using anything as a pulley, I would not have suggested that,
  
• SPEAKER_03: That's kind of a broad thing when you say multi-purpose.
  
• SPEAKER_00: What about putting putty up her?
  
• SPEAKER_03: That probably wouldn't work either.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, what do you want me to do?
  
• SPEAKER_00: You're telling me to take the whole thing down and crack the putty and take the putty and take the...
  
• SPEAKER_03: I have no idea.
  
• SPEAKER_03: For all I know, this is a prank call.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't remember selling a has to anybody.
  
• SPEAKER_00: A prank call?
  
• SPEAKER_00: A prank call.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So unless you bring it in, I have no clue on what you bought.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Listen, I'm trying to make a catapult, all right?
  
• SPEAKER_00: And this has...
  
• SPEAKER_00: It's defective, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Buddy, I have no idea what you're talking about.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Do you understand you're talking to a hardware store?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the same hardware store I made my purchase,
  
• SPEAKER_00: and I got my sales slip somewhere around here.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I don't know what you're talking about.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to make a catapult here, and this hasp cracked open.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to make a catapult.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay, so is there a question in here somewhere?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Do I need to be on or off the ladder when I'm putting putty on my pulley to get the hasp back together?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Do you have to be on your ladder to put putty back in the pulley?
  
• SPEAKER_02: I have no idea what you're talking about.
  
• SPEAKER_00: On my catapult.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I guess you better draw up a schematic.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, I made a schematic before I even went shopping up there.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Can you be on the ladder to put put put put put put put putty on the pulley?
  
• SPEAKER_02: You can put put put put put put put put on the pulley any way you want to on a ladder.
  
• SPEAKER_02: It doesn't bother me.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I mean, I had no idea what you're doing.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Is this Wally?
  
• SPEAKER_00: No.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, golly.
  
• SPEAKER_00: So the schematic calls for a half.
  
• SPEAKER_00: and a bracket.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Oh, I guess you better come in Monday because we're closing up right now.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, you are?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay, so should I be on or off the ladder to put batteries in my detector?
  
• SPEAKER_02: I think you probably ought to stand on your head to do it, but I don't know how well that's going to work for you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to get a catapult working guy.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Good for you. I don't know what a catapult would do for you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I got about three, four bowling balls. I'm trying to transport them once I get this putty removed from up there.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You're really?
  
• SPEAKER_00: me? Not at all.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, what part do you need me to go over again?
  
• SPEAKER_02: The part about mummy napkin. What is that about?
  
• SPEAKER_00: That's the name of my company.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay. Well, I think you need to start over with that.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Look, how much putty am I supposed to rub on there?
  
• SPEAKER_02: As much as it costs. I have no idea.
  
• SPEAKER_02: You can come in Monday and ask all these questions.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I can fax them to, he?
  
• SPEAKER_02: No, I don't do that.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I got a psych.
  
• SPEAKER_02: right across the street.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, thanks for calling.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I got a padlock on my putty.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hi, points hardware.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Hi, I had a flea in my zephyr, so I had to eject myself out of the aircraft.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay, how are you?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm on the ground now, but I need to construct about an 80-foot tarp.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay, we have a call-D., we'll call you up.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Whoa, whoa, I'm Michael. I got this.
  
• SPEAKER_02: What? You want to do what now?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need to shoot an 80-foot.
  
• SPEAKER_00: foot tarp off a harpoon and bring the aircraft down.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, good luck with that shit.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Well, there were fleas in my zephyr, and I had to eject myself out.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you can appreciate that, right?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Now, I need a big, big, 80-foot tarpon the thing and bring the aircraft down.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You understand?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Good look with that.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I might have one, but I don't know how you're going to harpoon a zeper down or whatever the
  
• SPEAKER_02: hell you're trying to harpoon down.
  
• SPEAKER_00: What size you got?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, come on in, look at them.
  
• SPEAKER_00: What's the density of this tarp?
  
• SPEAKER_02: About the same as the others.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Maybe 12 millimeter?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Or maybe I could fashion some cork bullets and just...
  
• SPEAKER_02: Best thing to do is just lock itself in a closet and think about it for a while.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Sir, I got this aircraft flying around with fleas inside, all right?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Now, help me out.
  
• SPEAKER_02: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_02: No, I think you probably need to think this one out on your own.
  
• SPEAKER_02: And, by the way, get on your medication again, will you?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need about 400 cork.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yes, do you guys sell ejector seats up, bar?
  
• SPEAKER_03: We just called and we said no. Have a good day.
  
• SPEAKER_00: That's a schiseerun, don't stop it.
  
• SPEAKER_00: What are you trying to say?
  
• SPEAKER_00: As a schiseen on stopping.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need an ejector seat for my zephyr?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, uh, how much you all charge?
  
• SPEAKER_01: You need to get back on your medication. You're really a nut job.
  
• SPEAKER_01: In my country, we lock people like you up.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I assure you, I'm on my medication, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, no, you're not on your medication.
  
• SPEAKER_01: If you were, you'd have a better job than this one.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Sir, I got fleas crawling around my zuffer, and I mean...
  
• SPEAKER_01: You got fleas crawling around in your head!
  
• SPEAKER_01: Help me out. I don't know what...
  
• SPEAKER_01: No, no, you need medication.
  
• SPEAKER_01: You need to swallow some insecticide.
  
• SPEAKER_01: It'll kill you and the fleas.