wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 11 (2014)

Track 10: Gelatinous Parcel

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SPEAKER_00: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Hello, this is Quincy at Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00: I drive a moped for Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_00: I've been trying to bring a delivery up there since Friday,
SPEAKER_00: and no one answers the bell when we come up there.
SPEAKER_01: Upstairs? I look downstairs.
SPEAKER_00: In fact, I heard crashing and banging and real loud noises when I was there.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what address are you?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm on Spear Boulevard,
SPEAKER_00: and it's going to have to be tomorrow if we do come back at all.
SPEAKER_00: What are you looking for?
SPEAKER_00: What's your information?
SPEAKER_00: It says Paul.
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I can read my own writing.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay, well, I'm just asking you.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know I was getting at a delivery.
SPEAKER_00: It's from homolasses.com.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't order anything from homolasses.com.
SPEAKER_00: It's come a long way, and you're looking at a surcharge since we've had to come out there three times.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't order anything.
SPEAKER_00: Well, it says here you did, and I've worked here nearly six weeks,
SPEAKER_00: so I think I can read the slurface.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, but what's the name on flip?
SPEAKER_00: Paul Rathchild or something or other, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00: But what you need to concentrate on is quieting down the next time we come back out there.
SPEAKER_00: You read me?
SPEAKER_01: Quieting down, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_00: I didn't even know what was going on if there was a drum circle or what was going on there.
SPEAKER_00: You had some chaos.
SPEAKER_01: What the fuck are you talking about, man?
SPEAKER_01: There's no fucking drum circles here.
SPEAKER_00: Could have fooled me.
SPEAKER_01: You're a quiet house, man.
SPEAKER_01: What hell is what are you looking at?
SPEAKER_00: Look, you're looking at a surcharge if you want to say.
SPEAKER_00: to come back out there, period.
SPEAKER_00: This isn't how Airborne Express was...
SPEAKER_01: Come back out there.
SPEAKER_01: Where were you going?
SPEAKER_01: Are you fucking idiot, man?
SPEAKER_00: Listen up, pal.
SPEAKER_01: You answer my question.
SPEAKER_01: You're giving me a hard time on the phone.
SPEAKER_01: Nobody ever came to my house.
SPEAKER_01: I've been here all fucking day.
SPEAKER_00: I've been out there twice.
SPEAKER_00: To where!
SPEAKER_00: And you were making so much doggone racket.
SPEAKER_00: No one even heard me.
SPEAKER_01: You're fucking with me, man.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know who the fuck this is, man.
SPEAKER_01: But you're not even telling us you were really a delivery guy,
SPEAKER_01: you'd be like, I went to this address
SPEAKER_01: and you would show any address.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: I'm on 15th right now.
SPEAKER_01: No, where am I?
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the heck you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00: You ordered from homolasses.com.
SPEAKER_01: No, I didn't.
SPEAKER_01: You're not even giving me any information, man.
SPEAKER_01: You're just fucking with me.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know who you are or what kind of prankster is,
SPEAKER_01: but I'm hanging up now, man.
SPEAKER_00: I'm Quincy with Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_00: That's a fucking joke.
SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do to do to get your attention?
SPEAKER_00: Quiet down.
SPEAKER_00: Come to the door.
SPEAKER_01: Tell me my name, my first last name,
SPEAKER_01: what you said already,
SPEAKER_01: but they actually actually.
SPEAKER_00: I'm on Spirable.
SPEAKER_01: I don't order anything.
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't want to know where you're at.
SPEAKER_00: My name's Quincy.
SPEAKER_00: I work at Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_00: I drive a moped, and this stuff's marked as gelatinous.
SPEAKER_00: So that's another surcharge you're going to have to pay.
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're full of shit, man.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't order shit, man.
SPEAKER_00: You got too many strikes against you.
SPEAKER_00: You just do.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, good.
SPEAKER_01: You're full of shit.
SPEAKER_00: Hello?
SPEAKER_00: Hi, is Paul there?
SPEAKER_01: You know he is, man.
SPEAKER_00: This is.
SPEAKER_00: This is Frankie.
SPEAKER_00: I'm a supervisor at Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_01: No, you're not.
SPEAKER_00: Now, what seems...
SPEAKER_01: I was the fucking guy I was talking to two seconds ago.
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm a supervisor, sir.
SPEAKER_00: What seems to be the trouble tonight?
SPEAKER_01: You calling me over and over again.
SPEAKER_01: Fucking with me.
SPEAKER_01: That's the problem.
SPEAKER_00: Sir, could you please be professional?
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: Fuck, no.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not being professional.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the fuck this is, man.
SPEAKER_01: I just talked to you two seconds ago.
SPEAKER_01: The heck you do.
SPEAKER_01: You're fucking with me, man.
SPEAKER_01: Knock it off.
SPEAKER_00: You've got a gelatinous parcel here,
SPEAKER_00: and there's a surcharge involved.
SPEAKER_01: You're not gelatinous.
SPEAKER_01: You are.
SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of commotion when our driver came up there.
SPEAKER_01: You're full of shit, dude.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the fuck kind of joke this is, but maybe on a radio show or something.
SPEAKER_00: No, we're not on the air.
SPEAKER_00: We're Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_00: Airborne Express is a joint.
SPEAKER_00: Airborne Express.
SPEAKER_01: It's my ass.
None: Dude, just fuck off, all right?
SPEAKER_00: You owe us $88.
SPEAKER_01: Do you understand English?
SPEAKER_00: What are you trying to say?
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to say, fuck off.
SPEAKER_00: $88.27 is due.
SPEAKER_00: Plus the $25 surcharge.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
SPEAKER_01: You're full of shit, man.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't order anything.
SPEAKER_00: Sir, be respectful and be professional.
SPEAKER_01: Fuck no.
SPEAKER_01: No, fuck you, man.