wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 7 (2009)

Track 2: Eddie Money

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SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, hello.
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, this is Vern.
SPEAKER_03: Who?
SPEAKER_03: Who?
SPEAKER_03: Vernon, United Parson Service.
SPEAKER_03: How are you doing?
SPEAKER_03: United Parson Service.
SPEAKER_03: What do you need?
SPEAKER_03: Well, I just need to know directions to get there on your shipment here today.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, uh, direct on the shipment, what do you want to...
SPEAKER_02: What do you want to...
SPEAKER_03: We got about, yeah.
SPEAKER_03: We got Oliver, our best driver on his way down there.
SPEAKER_03: there.
SPEAKER_02: I don't even know what you bring it down.
SPEAKER_02: I can't figure it out.
SPEAKER_03: Well, we got to have a signature and we need a check prepared and need directions.
SPEAKER_03: It's about it.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, but it's just, what kind of item is it?
SPEAKER_02: What are you bringing down here?
SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't know, gravel or something.
SPEAKER_03: Gravel.
SPEAKER_03: Bring gravel down.
SPEAKER_03: This is a... I'm on the road right now.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, let me start over for you.
SPEAKER_03: We need a signature.
SPEAKER_03: We need a signature.
SPEAKER_03: Check.
SPEAKER_03: Just for Edward Mahoney?
SPEAKER_02: UPS.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but what's the client's name, the customer's name?
SPEAKER_03: It's on the package.
SPEAKER_03: I can't see it from here.
SPEAKER_03: I'm on the dock.
SPEAKER_03: All right.
SPEAKER_03: So we need a certified check today in the amount of $1,482, even.
SPEAKER_02: You know what?
SPEAKER_02: There's got to be a mistake, buddy, because I wouldn't order anything for $1,400.
SPEAKER_02: I don't even know what would I need gravel for?
SPEAKER_03: You know what you're talking to?
SPEAKER_03: That's none of my...
SPEAKER_03: concern Oliver. Do you know who Oliver is, our driver?
SPEAKER_03: No, I have no idea.
SPEAKER_03: Well, you're going to meet him in about 10, 15 minutes.
SPEAKER_03: I'm going to meet me at where I'm at right now.
SPEAKER_03: Wherever you are, it's on the label. I can't see it from here.
SPEAKER_03: I'm working here.
SPEAKER_02: I understand.
SPEAKER_02: There's got to be some sort of mistake because I'm Eddie Money, the singer,
SPEAKER_02: and I'm at the Mohegan son right now.
SPEAKER_02: Getting ready to do a show.
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't have any reason in the world if I'd buy gravel, buddy.
SPEAKER_03: Well, I think you may have any reason in the world if I grab a buddy.
SPEAKER_03: You made the mistake if you changed your mind on the product or whatever.
SPEAKER_02: No, I don't think I bought any, I really, I don't think I bought any kind of product at all.
SPEAKER_03: Well, I can promise you that you did. I'm looking at a digital signature.
SPEAKER_03: Edward Mahoney.
SPEAKER_03: I've worked here for 24 years now.
SPEAKER_03: What do you guys sell out there?
SPEAKER_03: United Parcel Service. We deliver parcels all day long, and you're making that real difficult right now.
SPEAKER_02: I'm really told me to do that, sir. I have no idea. I've got to get ready to go on.
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
SPEAKER_02: what to tell you or somebody's coming over to pick up a check.
SPEAKER_02: Is he got to come and they get me the check?
SPEAKER_02: I've got to sign the check on stage in 15 minutes.
SPEAKER_02: You can cut me a check.
SPEAKER_02: I don't really understand what's going on here.
SPEAKER_02: I really don't.
SPEAKER_02: Hold everything up.
SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you what.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, hi, this is Oliver. UPS?
SPEAKER_02: Oliver, this is any money.
SPEAKER_02: I really don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_02: I got a lady here that I deal with UPS.
SPEAKER_02: She's coming downstairs right now, but I have no.
SPEAKER_02: I don't see any of you.
SPEAKER_02: reason why I would order $1400 worth of gravel, buddy.
SPEAKER_03: You could send an online...
SPEAKER_03: What's up?
SPEAKER_03: What's up?
SPEAKER_03: You could send an online...
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, hi.
SPEAKER_03: What is this?
SPEAKER_03: I'm Oliver, United Parson Service.
SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_03: I was just in the process of getting a credit card number.
SPEAKER_01: Getting a credit card number?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: For what?
SPEAKER_03: For COD, as fellow ordered here.
SPEAKER_01: What is the product or whatever?
SPEAKER_01: What is the product or whatever?
SPEAKER_03: I'm with UPS.
SPEAKER_01: Right.
None: Right.
SPEAKER_03: It's from...
SPEAKER_03: What?
SPEAKER_01: A COD for what?
SPEAKER_03: It's, uh, 1,400 pounds of gravel.
SPEAKER_01: Fourteen hundred pounds of gravel?
SPEAKER_01: Fourteen hundred pounds?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Here in a hundred pounds, yeah.
SPEAKER_01: In Florida?
SPEAKER_01: For, in Florida or in California?
SPEAKER_01: Where's the gravel going?
SPEAKER_03: It's going to a residence.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just, you know, no.
SPEAKER_01: Well, I know, but you've got the wrong UPS number or something.
SPEAKER_03: I'm looking at a digital signature.
SPEAKER_01: Ed Mahoney?
SPEAKER_03: I can't make it out, but it authorized the charge, so...
SPEAKER_03: Where are we supposed to dump this stuff?
SPEAKER_02: Don't want to bring it.
SPEAKER_01: Don't bring it.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know where you're going to do.
SPEAKER_03: We're here.
SPEAKER_03: There's a lady standing here.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what to tell her.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: Where are you with the gravel?
SPEAKER_03: I'm sitting at the residence.
SPEAKER_03: There's a lady here yelling at me.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what to tell her.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, where are you with the gravel?
SPEAKER_03: I'm in my vehicle.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, where are you wanting to dump it in Los Angeles?
SPEAKER_03: Thereabouts, yeah.
SPEAKER_03: I don't know exactly.
SPEAKER_03: Do you want to talk to this woman or does she wants to talk to him?
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll take her. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03: I can't reach that far.
SPEAKER_01: but he has no idea what it's for.
SPEAKER_03: If you just tell him to give me the credit card number,
SPEAKER_03: we'll authorize the delivery and will be done.
SPEAKER_01: But he doesn't want it.
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't know where it's going or what it's for.
SPEAKER_03: It's a little late to change his mind.
SPEAKER_03: We're already sitting here with, I just, through 40 miles.
SPEAKER_01: I need the address of where you're going to actually dump it.
SPEAKER_03: I got a...
SPEAKER_03: puppy dog running around chasing people around out here.
SPEAKER_01: But he's a singer.
SPEAKER_01: He's not home.
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't know where, who ordered the gravel or anything.
SPEAKER_03: Can you tell him there's a puppy dog running around here?
SPEAKER_03: Snapping it stuff?
SPEAKER_01: What's the lady's name out there that's yelling at you?
SPEAKER_03: Lorraine.
SPEAKER_03: Hi, Dad.
SPEAKER_01: Lorraine?
SPEAKER_01: What's her last name?
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
SPEAKER_03: She won't tell me.
SPEAKER_03: We got gravel spilling out and dogs running around and the ladies...
SPEAKER_01: She said there's a lady yelling at him and there's dogs running around.
SPEAKER_01: Her name's Lorraine.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what he's talking about.
SPEAKER_01: He's in Los Angeles.
SPEAKER_03: I'm here at the property. I'm ready to make the shipment to deliver it.
SPEAKER_01: Just get a phone.
SPEAKER_01: Hang on. He's calling his wife.
SPEAKER_01: Just hang on.
SPEAKER_02: What one in the weapon is phone?
SPEAKER_02: One one pounds of gravel.
SPEAKER_01: Where's gonna put it?
SPEAKER_00: Hey.
SPEAKER_00: Hey, did you see that, please?
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: Why?
SPEAKER_00: Here, Ed.
SPEAKER_02: Wow, it's great.
SPEAKER_01: There, dial.
SPEAKER_03: Can you just have them call off the dogs, please, ma'am?
SPEAKER_02: 1,400 pounds of gravel.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: He said, just have him call off the dogs.
SPEAKER_01: How do you go call off the dog?
SPEAKER_01: Have that lady call off the dogs.
SPEAKER_01: We're in Connecticut.
SPEAKER_01: We're in Connecticut.
SPEAKER_03: She's not cooperating.
SPEAKER_01: The lady won't call off the dog.
SPEAKER_01: Is it a basset hound?
SPEAKER_01: Is it a basset hound?
SPEAKER_03: I can't say for sure. It's snapping and yapping at me.
SPEAKER_03: Would you tell him this thing snapping and yapping?
SPEAKER_02: Pardon me.
SPEAKER_02: I'm talking to you.
SPEAKER_02: I got somebody under the old.
SPEAKER_02: Do what?
SPEAKER_03: Would you just tell him that this dog is snapping and yapping at me?
SPEAKER_03: I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02: She doesn't know anything about any crap them.
SPEAKER_01: It is.
SPEAKER_01: his wife, you've got a wrong number, wrong address, wrong something.
SPEAKER_03: Like hell I do.
SPEAKER_03: I'm looking right out of puppy dog.
SPEAKER_01: Well, you might be looking at a dog, but it's not...
SPEAKER_01: What, can you give me a physical address?
SPEAKER_03: This gravel is aquamarine in color, and it's real heavy.
None: And it's...
SPEAKER_00: It's aqua marine colored gravel?
SPEAKER_00: You have aqua, you want aqua marine color gravel, Lori.
SPEAKER_02: No, right?
None: No.
SPEAKER_02: I don't think I want to get to Florida either.
SPEAKER_01: They're in L.A. with it. They're sitting in front of a house looking at a dog.
SPEAKER_02: They're sitting in front of a house looking at a dog in L.A. Are you home in L.A.?
SPEAKER_02: with L.A.?
SPEAKER_02: I don't know. We've got to go. I'll see you later.
SPEAKER_01: You've got the wrong number.
SPEAKER_03: It's real hot out here. This dog is snapping out me.
SPEAKER_03: What do you suggest I do?
SPEAKER_01: Uh, find out the real physical address.
SPEAKER_01: that you need to deliver it to because...
SPEAKER_03: I'm sitting here.
SPEAKER_03: I just need a credit card number.
SPEAKER_01: But you've got the wrong person.
SPEAKER_01: He's going on stage right now.
SPEAKER_01: He's a singer.
SPEAKER_01: His show is starting right now.
SPEAKER_01: He cannot talk again for two hours.
SPEAKER_01: Ah.
SPEAKER_03: I need a signature and I need a check
SPEAKER_03: and I need someone to leash this thing up here
SPEAKER_03: before I set foot out there.
SPEAKER_01: Right.
SPEAKER_01: But you're not at, who are you trying, who do you think you're talking to?
SPEAKER_03: I don't know who I'm talking to, ma'am.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, you've obviously, I'm not trying to be rude to you.
SPEAKER_01: You're just doing your job. I understand that.
SPEAKER_01: But you've got a wrong number.
SPEAKER_01: We are in Connecticut. His wife is in California, but you are at the wrong address.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you may be at the right address, but you've got the wrong number to pay for it.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, we'll just send it back.
SPEAKER_01: to the dock? Yeah, send it back and
SPEAKER_01: if they want it, whoever it belongs to, can
SPEAKER_01: call you because you've really got the wrong number.
SPEAKER_03: Okay, thank you.
SPEAKER_01: Bye.
SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Hello, this is Archie
SPEAKER_03: over a UPS. How are you?
SPEAKER_02: Archie, what, is this
SPEAKER_02: about the gravel again? Is that what you're going to hit me with it?
SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02: The aqua grapple. Is that what this is all about?
SPEAKER_03: We got?
SPEAKER_03: What we've got is we've got about 1,500 pounds of peat moss out here that we're stuck with.
SPEAKER_02: Buddy boy, let me explain something to you.
SPEAKER_02: I never ordered any peat moose.
SPEAKER_02: I'm divorced with my fucking wife.
SPEAKER_02: She's got the house.
SPEAKER_02: I live in the motel 6th.
SPEAKER_02: There's no way in the world I was going to turn around and order fucking 1,400 pounds of Pete Moss for my ex-wife.
SPEAKER_02: You guys are out of your mind.
SPEAKER_02: I had nothing to do with this bill.
SPEAKER_02: Nothing.
SPEAKER_02: You guys are you in at the wrong house.
SPEAKER_02: Where are you delivering this seat most to?
SPEAKER_02: Well, I can't see it from here, but...
SPEAKER_02: Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_02: You keep telling me you can't see it from here.
SPEAKER_02: You don't fucking see it, and you can't find out where the fuck it's going.
SPEAKER_02: Why the fuck are you calling me back?
SPEAKER_02: Every time you assholes call me, you tell me I can't see the package.
SPEAKER_02: Leave me the fuck alone, will you?
SPEAKER_03: Well, how about just cutting a check for us?
SPEAKER_03: Hello.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, hello. This is Ernie at UPS. I'm an administrator out here.
SPEAKER_03: And I, uh, looking at a balanced due here, and I wanted to touch base on it.
SPEAKER_03: It's just regarding the aqua gravel.
SPEAKER_03: Well, it's, I've got it marked as manure or something or other. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02: Well, you know what? Look, I never ordered that, and this is the fifth phone call I've gotten from UPS on this state.
SPEAKER_02: I never ordered any aqua gravel.
SPEAKER_02: I don't need aqua gravel for anything.
SPEAKER_02: And you guys keep calling me and bug me about this aqua gravel.
SPEAKER_02: I never ordered this apple, after gravel.
SPEAKER_02: You will not find my name.
SPEAKER_02: You will not find my signature.
SPEAKER_02: You won't find my wife's signature.
SPEAKER_02: And you will tell me where the gravel's going to.
SPEAKER_02: Every time I ask you where the gravel's going to, you go, oh, the boxes on the other side of the room.
SPEAKER_02: Where do you have the gravel going to?
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm on the dock, sir.
SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, you can't keep calling me up and telling me you got 14, you got $14.
SPEAKER_02: You don't.
SPEAKER_02: You guys are so goddamn fucking unprofessional.
SPEAKER_02: I can't believe it.
SPEAKER_02: So go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_03: Well, how about an online payment?
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Hello?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you got United Parsall here, a partner.
SPEAKER_03: Anybody there?
SPEAKER_03: Excuse me?
SPEAKER_03: You got United Parsall calling.
SPEAKER_03: And, uh, according to my notes, we are in need.
SPEAKER_03: of an online payment from you at this time.
SPEAKER_03: You know what, buddy?
SPEAKER_02: You better call somebody else and stop bugging me about something I never fucking ordered.
SPEAKER_02: Give me the address where it says you send it to.
SPEAKER_02: Come on, wise ass.
SPEAKER_02: Come on, you never gave me the address of anything about this thing.
SPEAKER_02: You're full of shit.
SPEAKER_02: You better leave me alone.
SPEAKER_02: Trace's full call and call the cops and I'm you guys arrested.
SPEAKER_02: You got that?
SPEAKER_02: I see.
SPEAKER_02: You got that, you stupid shit, Ed?
SPEAKER_02: Leave me the fuck alone.