wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 11 (2014)

Track 20: Blueberry Bag

SPEAKER_01: This is Peter Guitars. How can I help you?
SPEAKER_00: Hello, this is Schneider. You sold me a guitar about 10 days ago.
SPEAKER_00: Okay. What guitar was that?
SPEAKER_00: It's a Fender. It was for my brother's birthday.
None: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: And it's got some weird stuff going on with that.
SPEAKER_01: And if you want to bring it in, we'll be glad to look at it. Maybe we could find you another one.
SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with it?
SPEAKER_00: We got home and we opened the case and there was a bag of frozen blueberries inside.
SPEAKER_00: The frozen blueberries, this was a new guitar or used?
SPEAKER_00: I thought it was new.
SPEAKER_01: It was frozen blueberries in this guitar case.
SPEAKER_01: That is a new one. I can't say I've ever heard that one before.
SPEAKER_00: I want to say everything he plays just sounds all sour and it just sounds bad.
SPEAKER_00: It's nothing like it was in the shop.
SPEAKER_01: I have no idea. This is, what guitar was this?
SPEAKER_00: A fender.
SPEAKER_01: What fender? Acoustic, electric, telecaster, stratacaster.
SPEAKER_00: It was your standard made in Mexico.
SPEAKER_01: I'll just look it up. What's your first name?
SPEAKER_00: This is Schneider. My brother's name is Wade. I bought it for his birthday. I paid cash.
SPEAKER_00: Okay. What's your first name?
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I could be in there playing a whole lot of love in 30 minutes, guy,
SPEAKER_00: but it's going to sound like a whole lot of noise, because this thing's fouled up.
SPEAKER_00: You got me?
SPEAKER_01: Okay. I actually, I don't, but what's your first name again?
SPEAKER_01: What's the problem?
SPEAKER_01: What's your first name so I could just look up what instrument it is?
SPEAKER_00: Here, can I just put you on the phone with my first name?
SPEAKER_00: brother Wade?
SPEAKER_01: I'm just curious what guitar is so I can look it up.
SPEAKER_01: So what is your first name?
SPEAKER_00: You don't remember me?
SPEAKER_01: No, we do see a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01: If you just give me your name, I will look it up and see what the story with his
SPEAKER_01: guitar is.
SPEAKER_00: Schneider, I told you.
SPEAKER_01: Schneider's your first name.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to put Wade on the phone.
SPEAKER_00: And these blueberries were dated March of last year, too.
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Schneider, your first name?
SPEAKER_00: Wade is my brother's name.
SPEAKER_01: Wade.
SPEAKER_01: All right, and that's S-C-H.
SPEAKER_01: Quick calling me, you fucking idiot.
SPEAKER_01: Hello?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: All right.
SPEAKER_01: W-A-D-E?
SPEAKER_01: And your last name is S-C-H-N-E-I-D-E-R?
SPEAKER_00: No, that's my first name.
SPEAKER_00: Okay, your first name is Schneider.
SPEAKER_00: These blueberries were marked March of 2013.
SPEAKER_01: N-E-I-D-E-E-R.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's see what we got here.
SPEAKER_00: That's how old these blueberries are.
SPEAKER_00: And it was slimy and the whole...
SPEAKER_00: Slimy and the whole thing.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know anything.
SPEAKER_01: That's why I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.
SPEAKER_01: So, ah, your first name.
SPEAKER_01: Can you spell your first name?
SPEAKER_00: Just like it sounds.
SPEAKER_01: S-C-H?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: N?
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
SPEAKER_00: E.
SPEAKER_01: I-E-E-R?
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
SPEAKER_01: And your last name is Schneider.
SPEAKER_00: Wade is my brother.
SPEAKER_01: What's your last name?
SPEAKER_00: Here, I'm just going to put him on the phone with you.
SPEAKER_01: What's your last name?
SPEAKER_01: All right.
SPEAKER_01: We'll try this again, because we're really trying to help you out here.
SPEAKER_01: So your first name is Schneider?
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm going to block your number if you don't quit.
SPEAKER_01: They're just fucking stupid and you must be bored.
SPEAKER_01: Are you talking to me?
SPEAKER_01: No, you're fucking idiot.
SPEAKER_00: I am trying to get this guitar thing worked out.
SPEAKER_00: Because it's all screwed up.
SPEAKER_00: It sounds sour.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so your first name is Schneider, what's your last name?
SPEAKER_00: Everything sounds flat.
None: What is your last name?
SPEAKER_00: If I played your whole lot of love right,
SPEAKER_00: now, it sounds like a whole lot of nothing.
SPEAKER_01: Alright, listen, once you're coming to the store,
SPEAKER_01: because we're not getting everywhere on the phone.
SPEAKER_01: I need your last name.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, Webb.
SPEAKER_00: I've told you twice, at least.
SPEAKER_01: All right.
SPEAKER_01: One more time, Schneider, what is your last name?
SPEAKER_00: I'm Schneider.
SPEAKER_00: My...
SPEAKER_01: And your last name is Webb.
SPEAKER_00: And my brother's name is Wade.
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for calling.
SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, this is Chip.
SPEAKER_00: Chip.
SPEAKER_00: I was working with a different rep.
SPEAKER_00: I should probably stick with him.
SPEAKER_00: Peter.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, Peter.
SPEAKER_00: How can I help you out?
SPEAKER_00: I got my brother here.
SPEAKER_00: I don't know a thing about guitars.
SPEAKER_00: Could he talk to my brother real quick?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can do that.
SPEAKER_00: Just talk to Alex.
SPEAKER_00: He got the guitar.
SPEAKER_00: It's a Fender made in Mexico.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, why is the phone ringing right now?
SPEAKER_00: I'm putting you through to my brother.
SPEAKER_00: Have I got guitar set...
SPEAKER_00: Have I got guitar set around?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you've got guitar center, but yeah, you do.
SPEAKER_02: But I'm not sure who I've got here.
SPEAKER_02: Who you're calling.
SPEAKER_00: Alex.
SPEAKER_02: I'm Alex.
SPEAKER_02: A-L-E-X?
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02: So I'm trying to figure out why your phone keeps ringing here.
SPEAKER_02: I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, bring your guitar into the store.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, somebody's jerking us around.
SPEAKER_02: They've got my number, and they usually manage to cross-connect me with somebody in Atlanta or Chicago,
SPEAKER_02: or they think it's fun.
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: All right, Chip, listen up.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I'm going to ask you one question because I'm aware that you just took up a lot of one of my salespeople's time when we didn't get anywhere.
SPEAKER_00: I worked with Peter.
SPEAKER_00: That's who I worked with.
SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to talk to him.
SPEAKER_00: There was frozen blueberries in this case here, too, by the way.
SPEAKER_02: Right, yes, I understand that.
SPEAKER_02: But, sir, you're coming off at that chick,
SPEAKER_02: you're hearing about to call the cops and tell them that you're prank calling us because you're not giving us any information.
SPEAKER_00: You understand?
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean?
SPEAKER_02: I'm not going to let you do this anymore, so I'm going to hang up with you and you're not going to call back unless you're going to call back unless you're going to
SPEAKER_02: to call back, and this you're going to call back to useful information and a rational mind.
SPEAKER_02: How's that sound?
SPEAKER_00: What do you want to know? My name's Schneider.
SPEAKER_02: How do you spell that?
SPEAKER_00: Just like it sounds.
SPEAKER_02: Well, is it? S-C-H. Is it S-N-Y? I can't tell how it sounds.
SPEAKER_00: S-C-H-Schneider. And I bought a Made in Mexico Fender for my brother in cash from Peter.
SPEAKER_02: Well, I understand that, but you were just leading Pete on a wild goose chase here, and all the goose
SPEAKER_02: to find out your name.
SPEAKER_00: What do you talk?
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to figure out why your phone came.
SPEAKER_02: It keeps ringing here.
SPEAKER_00: A wild goose chase.
SPEAKER_02: So I'm going to hang up, and I thought you can get your phone fixed a police phone call, okay?
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to fix your face.
SPEAKER_00: Oh, God.