Track 14: Army Recruiters

• SPEAKER_02: This is the U.S. Army Recruiting Station.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I'm not going to help you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Looking to enroll here.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Looking to enlist?
  
• None: Yeah.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hey, sir, I think you called the other day.
  
• SPEAKER_02: What I do is I set up an interview.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay, you come in, we determine your qualifications.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I talk about the features and benefits of the program.
  
• SPEAKER_02: If we have a match there, we got something you like, and I find out you're qualified.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Then we talk next step.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Honestly, I don't have enough.
  
• SPEAKER_02: time on the phone because I'm in the middle of enlisting somebody right now.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Let me let you in on what I do, which is perform in battle.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm shaved.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm ready for battle.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
  
• SPEAKER_02: We still have to determine your qualifications, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_02: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Listen, I'd love to entertain you, sir, but I really have to get going, all right?
  
• SPEAKER_00: It's really a bad time for me.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Let me give you my email address.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Then we'll see what you can do, okay?
  
• SPEAKER_00: And I'll give you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'll give you a little time to get prepared and go and grab a pan or something else.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Hopefully I'm worthy, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
  
• SPEAKER_00: What's your email address?
  
• SPEAKER_01: It's, uh, it's stephen.
  
• SPEAKER_01: dot, leet, dot army, dot mill.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm going to send a picture, a me whooping some ass.
  
• SPEAKER_00: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_00: So when you open it, best to turn the light up, light the room up bright, take a real good look at it.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Roger, sir.
  
• SPEAKER_02: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Because I am going to grab hold of you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: pretty quick.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_02: That sounds good.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I like a challenge.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I love to fight.
  
• SPEAKER_02: As a matter of fact, they pay me to fight.
  
• SPEAKER_02: What's your name?
  
• SPEAKER_00: My name's Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Okay, gotcha.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get hold of you, and I'm going to shake you loose, fella.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Sounds good.
  
• SPEAKER_00: See if you can rise to my level.
  
• SPEAKER_02: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Well, hopefully I'll be worthy, like I said.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I got your number, Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_02: I'll give you call.
  
• SPEAKER_02: All right?
  
• SPEAKER_02: Got to go.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get back to you about five minutes from now.
  
• SPEAKER_02: This is the U.S.
  
• SPEAKER_02: Army Recruiting Station.
  
• SPEAKER_03: That's going to help you.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I want to get physical.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry, what's your name?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Enrique, huh?
  
• SPEAKER_03: What do you mean you want to get physical?
  
• SPEAKER_00: On the battlefield.
  
• SPEAKER_03: On what battlefield?
  
• SPEAKER_00: The Saharan battlefield.
  
• SPEAKER_03: The Saharan battlefield?
  
• SPEAKER_03: There is no Saharan battlefield, man.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I want to enlist.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You want to enlist?
  
• SPEAKER_03: What do you want to enlist to?
  
• SPEAKER_00: My fists.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Your fists?
  
• SPEAKER_03: You want to enlist to your fists?
  
• SPEAKER_03: That doesn't.
  
• SPEAKER_03: make so much sense, Henry Day.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Put me down on your list so I can get in there.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Get engaged in the battlefield, dude.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Get engaged in what battlefield?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I got discipline, bud.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't think you necessarily have discipline because I'm asking you simple questions,
  
• SPEAKER_03: Enrique, and you're not giving me straight answers.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What is it that you want to do?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Are you a corporal, or?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Don't worry about who I am, because I'm thinking you're just calling to mess around there,
  
• SPEAKER_03: Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You can bring your form up here, and I'll fill it out.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't think I want to do that, Enrique, because I don't think you're actually being serious
  
• SPEAKER_03: because you're not answering simple questions.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to get physical with you right now outside.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Don't have any desire or need to.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So what are we really talking about there, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: It would be a lose win, you mean.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I win.
  
• SPEAKER_00: I win.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You'd win.
  
• SPEAKER_00: And a paragraph.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You can go ahead and win all you want, Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_03: But what is it that you want to do today?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Why are we talking on the phone?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I need to be placed on the ballot.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I don't think we can do that, Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_00: End a story.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Have you ever been arrested?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Not in this country.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Have you, not in this country?
  
• SPEAKER_03: What country have you been arrested in?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Is that really relevant, Corporal?
  
• SPEAKER_03: It is very relevant.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What country have you been arrested in, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: It's in the Netherlands.
  
• SPEAKER_03: In the Netherlands?
  
• SPEAKER_03: What were you arrested for, Enrica?
  
• SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of nude people there.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So why were you particularly arrested for nudity, Inrika?
  
• SPEAKER_03: So you were being in.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Decent public? Indecent nudity?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Because I'm bored.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You're going to be indecent for presentation when I'm through with you.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Is that right?
  
• SPEAKER_03: Okay.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I guess I'll be indecent, but...
  
• SPEAKER_00: Grab hold.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Grab hold of your neck.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Grab hold of your neck.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Have you graduated high school?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I got an equivalency.
  
• SPEAKER_03: A GED?
  
• SPEAKER_03: GEDs are not qualified at this time, Enrique.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Have you ever had any surgery?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Not true.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Have you ever had any surgery?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oral surgery.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, what type?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oral.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What type?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Mouth surgery.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What type of mouth surgery?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Lip surgery.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What did you have done to your lip, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Reconstructive.
  
• SPEAKER_03: For what, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Fist.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You got punched.
  
• SPEAKER_03: How did you get your busted lip in Riquet?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Lips.
  
• SPEAKER_00: Two lips. I got two fists for two lips.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You self-inflicted a wound?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I'm going to punch your lip.
  
• SPEAKER_00: You're telling you.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You self-inflicted a wound?
  
• SPEAKER_03: How did you hurt your lip, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: In the jungles of Namamutu.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Have you ever been seen by a mental health professional, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Not in this nation.
  
• SPEAKER_03: What have you been seen for mental health for, Rika?
  
• SPEAKER_00: What do you?
  
• SPEAKER_00: you're getting at?
  
• SPEAKER_03: What have you been seen for mental health, Enrique?
  
• SPEAKER_00: I was nude the one time, dude.
  
• SPEAKER_03: And did they prescribe you any medication?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Yes.
  
• SPEAKER_03: And when's the last time you stopped taking that medication, Erika?
  
• SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm on it.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Well, if you're currently on medication, Enrique, that's also a disqualifier.
  
• SPEAKER_03: You guys are so goddamn fucking unprofessional.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I can't believe it.
  
• SPEAKER_03: So go fuck yourself.
  
• SPEAKER_03: All right.
  
• SPEAKER_03: Unfortunately, you are disqualified as if you join the military.
  
• SPEAKER_03: I never ordered that.
  
• None: I don't know.