wallace-thrasher

Longmont Potion Castle 8 (2011)

Track 14: Army Recruiters

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SPEAKER_02: This is the U.S. Army Recruiting Station.
SPEAKER_02: I'm not going to help you.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
SPEAKER_00: Looking to enroll here.
SPEAKER_02: Looking to enlist?
None: Yeah.
SPEAKER_02: Hey, sir, I think you called the other day.
SPEAKER_02: What I do is I set up an interview.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, you come in, we determine your qualifications.
SPEAKER_02: I talk about the features and benefits of the program.
SPEAKER_02: If we have a match there, we got something you like, and I find out you're qualified.
SPEAKER_02: Then we talk next step.
SPEAKER_02: Honestly, I don't have enough.
SPEAKER_02: time on the phone because I'm in the middle of enlisting somebody right now.
SPEAKER_00: Let me let you in on what I do, which is perform in battle.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: I'm shaved.
SPEAKER_00: I'm ready for battle.
SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
SPEAKER_02: Gotcha.
SPEAKER_02: We still have to determine your qualifications, sir.
SPEAKER_02: All right.
SPEAKER_02: Listen, I'd love to entertain you, sir, but I really have to get going, all right?
SPEAKER_00: It's really a bad time for me.
SPEAKER_00: Let me give you my email address.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_00: Then we'll see what you can do, okay?
SPEAKER_00: And I'll give you.
SPEAKER_00: I'll give you a little time to get prepared and go and grab a pan or something else.
SPEAKER_02: Hopefully I'm worthy, sir.
SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
SPEAKER_00: What's your email address?
SPEAKER_01: It's, uh, it's stephen.
SPEAKER_01: dot, leet, dot army, dot mill.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to send a picture, a me whooping some ass.
SPEAKER_00: All right.
SPEAKER_00: So when you open it, best to turn the light up, light the room up bright, take a real good look at it.
SPEAKER_02: Roger, sir.
SPEAKER_02: All right.
SPEAKER_00: Because I am going to grab hold of you.
SPEAKER_00: pretty quick.
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
SPEAKER_02: That sounds good.
SPEAKER_02: I like a challenge.
SPEAKER_02: I love to fight.
SPEAKER_02: As a matter of fact, they pay me to fight.
SPEAKER_02: What's your name?
SPEAKER_00: My name's Enrique.
SPEAKER_02: Enrique.
SPEAKER_02: Okay, gotcha.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get hold of you, and I'm going to shake you loose, fella.
SPEAKER_02: Sounds good.
SPEAKER_00: See if you can rise to my level.
SPEAKER_02: All right.
SPEAKER_02: Well, hopefully I'll be worthy, like I said.
SPEAKER_02: I got your number, Enrique.
SPEAKER_02: I'll give you call.
SPEAKER_02: All right?
SPEAKER_02: Got to go.
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get back to you about five minutes from now.
SPEAKER_02: This is the U.S.
SPEAKER_02: Army Recruiting Station.
SPEAKER_03: That's going to help you.
SPEAKER_00: I want to get physical.
SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry, what's your name?
SPEAKER_00: Enrique.
SPEAKER_03: Enrique, huh?
SPEAKER_03: What do you mean you want to get physical?
SPEAKER_00: On the battlefield.
SPEAKER_03: On what battlefield?
SPEAKER_00: The Saharan battlefield.
SPEAKER_03: The Saharan battlefield?
SPEAKER_03: There is no Saharan battlefield, man.
SPEAKER_00: I want to enlist.
SPEAKER_03: You want to enlist?
SPEAKER_03: What do you want to enlist to?
SPEAKER_00: My fists.
SPEAKER_03: Your fists?
SPEAKER_03: You want to enlist to your fists?
SPEAKER_03: That doesn't.
SPEAKER_03: make so much sense, Henry Day.
SPEAKER_00: Put me down on your list so I can get in there.
SPEAKER_00: Get engaged in the battlefield, dude.
SPEAKER_03: Get engaged in what battlefield?
SPEAKER_00: I got discipline, bud.
SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't think you necessarily have discipline because I'm asking you simple questions,
SPEAKER_03: Enrique, and you're not giving me straight answers.
SPEAKER_03: What is it that you want to do?
SPEAKER_00: Are you a corporal, or?
SPEAKER_03: Don't worry about who I am, because I'm thinking you're just calling to mess around there,
SPEAKER_03: Enrique.
SPEAKER_00: You can bring your form up here, and I'll fill it out.
SPEAKER_03: I don't think I want to do that, Enrique, because I don't think you're actually being serious
SPEAKER_03: because you're not answering simple questions.
SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to get physical with you right now outside.
SPEAKER_03: Don't have any desire or need to.
SPEAKER_03: So what are we really talking about there, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: It would be a lose win, you mean.
SPEAKER_03: I win.
SPEAKER_00: I win.
SPEAKER_03: You'd win.
SPEAKER_00: And a paragraph.
SPEAKER_03: You can go ahead and win all you want, Enrique.
SPEAKER_03: But what is it that you want to do today?
SPEAKER_03: Why are we talking on the phone?
SPEAKER_00: I need to be placed on the ballot.
SPEAKER_03: I don't think we can do that, Enrique.
SPEAKER_00: End a story.
SPEAKER_03: Have you ever been arrested?
SPEAKER_00: Not in this country.
SPEAKER_03: Have you, not in this country?
SPEAKER_03: What country have you been arrested in?
SPEAKER_00: Is that really relevant, Corporal?
SPEAKER_03: It is very relevant.
SPEAKER_03: What country have you been arrested in, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: It's in the Netherlands.
SPEAKER_03: In the Netherlands?
SPEAKER_03: What were you arrested for, Enrica?
SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of nude people there.
SPEAKER_03: So why were you particularly arrested for nudity, Inrika?
SPEAKER_03: So you were being in.
SPEAKER_03: Decent public? Indecent nudity?
SPEAKER_03: Because I'm bored.
SPEAKER_00: You're going to be indecent for presentation when I'm through with you.
SPEAKER_03: Is that right?
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
SPEAKER_03: I guess I'll be indecent, but...
SPEAKER_00: Grab hold.
SPEAKER_00: Grab hold of your neck.
SPEAKER_00: Grab hold of your neck.
SPEAKER_03: Have you graduated high school?
SPEAKER_00: I got an equivalency.
SPEAKER_03: A GED?
SPEAKER_03: GEDs are not qualified at this time, Enrique.
SPEAKER_03: Have you ever had any surgery?
SPEAKER_00: Not true.
SPEAKER_03: Have you ever had any surgery?
SPEAKER_00: Oral surgery.
SPEAKER_03: Well, what type?
SPEAKER_00: Oral.
SPEAKER_03: What type?
SPEAKER_00: Mouth surgery.
SPEAKER_03: What type of mouth surgery?
SPEAKER_00: Lip surgery.
SPEAKER_03: What did you have done to your lip, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: Reconstructive.
SPEAKER_03: For what, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: Fist.
SPEAKER_03: You got punched.
SPEAKER_03: How did you get your busted lip in Riquet?
SPEAKER_00: Lips.
SPEAKER_00: Two lips. I got two fists for two lips.
SPEAKER_03: You self-inflicted a wound?
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to punch your lip.
SPEAKER_00: You're telling you.
SPEAKER_03: You self-inflicted a wound?
SPEAKER_03: How did you hurt your lip, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: In the jungles of Namamutu.
SPEAKER_03: Have you ever been seen by a mental health professional, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: Not in this nation.
SPEAKER_03: What have you been seen for mental health for, Rika?
SPEAKER_00: What do you?
SPEAKER_00: you're getting at?
SPEAKER_03: What have you been seen for mental health, Enrique?
SPEAKER_00: I was nude the one time, dude.
SPEAKER_03: And did they prescribe you any medication?
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
SPEAKER_03: And when's the last time you stopped taking that medication, Erika?
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm on it.
SPEAKER_03: Well, if you're currently on medication, Enrique, that's also a disqualifier.
SPEAKER_03: You guys are so goddamn fucking unprofessional.
SPEAKER_03: I can't believe it.
SPEAKER_03: So go fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_03: All right.
SPEAKER_03: Unfortunately, you are disqualified as if you join the military.
SPEAKER_03: I never ordered that.
None: I don't know.